Monthly Archives: November 2011

The new I.T. department…

I.T. stands for Indeed Thankful, and as we celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday here in the USA, I’ve been pondering what “giving thanks” means, and I wanted to take time to thank the people who have helped Affaircare become what it is today.

First, a word on giving Thanks.  A friend on my personal facebook page posted a thought she read from Joni Eareckson Tada, and I know I won’t get the quote exactly right but the thought was amazing.  For those who don’t know, Joni was 17 years old when she had a diving accident that left her a quadriplegic.  After months of therapy she began painting with her teeth and became a renowned artist…which then lead to become a world-known advocate for the disabled and especially those in wheelchairs.  What ISN’T so well known is that for the first several months  she wanted to forget about “living” and just sit in a dark room!  Then she saw the verse I Thessalonians 5:18 “In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” and thought “Oh you could not POSSIBLY mean I should give thanks for this!!!!!”  Naturally that is exactly what God meant–not that we should “feel” thanks but rather GIVE thanks to Him (and here’s where the quote came in).  That’s because while we worry about “how are we going to eat?” or “where are we going to live?” or “what will we wear?”…God has given us the gift of air to breathe, light to see, and salvation.  ALL OF THE REST  is literally just blessings!!  If God gave you a tough marriage–you are alive and His child, and He is going to teach you to be more like Him through this struggle.  If God gave you a disease or an injury–you are alive and His child, and He is going to teach you to be more pleasing to Him through that affliction!

So thinking of Joni’s concept, that God has given us air to breathe and salvation, and that ALL OF THE REST is literally blessings…we have a LOT to be thankful for!!  And that’s what this post is all about.  As I mentioned above, I.T. stands for Indeed Thankful, and here at Affaircare we are indeed thankful for many people that God has used to bless us and to bless Affaircare.  What we ask is that if you are tagged below, please dedicate a post (or a Facebook status update, or Tweet) to those in your life for whom you are Indeed Thankful, and link back to us so we can see who you’re thankful for.

Personally my thanks has to start with the folks over at Marriage Builders.  Back at the turn of the millennium  my own first marriage ended due to my ex-husband’s affair, and I swear I would not have survived without them.    Through MarriageBuilders, I learned some basic concepts about infidelity and took their whole training weekend and that is what piqued my interest in helping couples recover after an affair.  So we have to give MB their props and say, “Thank you!”  We are Indeed Thankful for you.

Those folks over at Engaged Marriage where the next folks to come along and bless Affaircare.  That’s Dustin Reichman with his better half–making him look good!  Anyway Dustin is a younger fella, passionate about having a good marriage and a bit of a Twitter guru…so when I first made the Affaircare Twitter account he was one of the first pages I followed and I pretty much copied him ever since!  Dustin is energetic, a little crazy, helpful and has topics ranging from finances to family planning.  So thanks Dustin–you inspired me.

Okay this next couple doesn’t just inspire me…they turned into actual “cyber friends”. We’ve never met in person but boy, if Stu and Lisa are ever in Oregon, they are welcome to stop by! Stu and Lisa Gray are the people behind Stupendous Marriage and boy let me tell ya–they have it going on!  Their site is a blog and in addition they include podcasts of their Stupendous Marriage Show.  I met Stu and Lisa back in the day with “The Marry Blogger” and what impressed me was the way they both wrote about a struggle that so many have an no one talks about–porn.  They were open about both sides of the issue (husband’s side/wife’s side) and honest about the ways it can skew your thinking and make you expect things from your real life spouse that…well they just aren’t real!  So that kind of raw honesty impressed me, and I knew that God wanted me to be just as raw and honest about infidelity.  So I am Indeed Thankful for Stu and Lisa…and for Stupendous Marriage.

Handmaiden LiveThis lead me to Courtney Scott.  Now for those who don’t know Courtney, you are in for a treat…and a wild ride.  Put on your seatbelt because you’re about to meet a dynamo!  Courtney is the lady behind Headaches of a Holy Handmaiden and she has a website, blog and radio show!  Like Stu and Lisa, she spoke transparently about the pain of finding that her “perfect Christian husband” was involved in same sex infidelity, their subsequent divorce, and her struggles along that road.  She’s not just a cyber friend or an inspiration, Courtney is a sister, and she has made a world of difference–we are Indeed Thankful!

This post would not be complete without mentioning the Institute of Nouthetic Counseling and the The Institute for Biblical Counseling & Discipleship.  Although they do not have a blog, these two “institutes” were instrumental in helping David and I realize that our focus, as Bible-believing, mature Christians, has got to be to help counsel couples using the tools that the Bible has given us to address issues about marriage and adultery.  At the I.N.S. (run by Jay Adams and Donn R. Arms) we learned about what Nouthetic Counseling even *is* and that there is a National Association of Nouthetic Counselors.   At I.B.C.D. we took our courses and furthered our education.  For these two organizations, who were instrumental in teaching us, we are Indeed Thankful.

Finally, I end with some newfound friends and co-workers in advocating for marriage.  Affaircare is Indeed Thankful for Tom and Debi Walter over at The Romantic Vineyard.  Just so you know…they started it (or should I say “I.T.”? LOL).  Their blog has influenced us with how to have a site that is kind, loving, friendly and honoring to God and godly marriages.  Personally, I love they way they made sections on their site relate to a vineyard…like the “Cellars” Store, the Wine Press (for the blog), and the Tasting Room… but beyond that, the style there is so laid back and yet chock full of wisdom and beauty.  So yep, tag back <wink> and we are Indeed Thankful