I heard a George Strait song lately that made me think about the fantasy of affairs:
Well honey don’t you worry I don’t need no bar room queens
Though I’ll admit she sure knows how to fill a pair of jeans
And I’ll admit now darlin’ she’s sure showing me her stuff
But honey it ain’t nearly enough
Cause I ain’t never seen her
Patch a pair of ragged britches
Stretch a paycheck ’till it reaches
Scratch my back right where it itches
And I ain’t never seen that and honey ’till I do
My heart won’t wander very far from you
Now honey you know I honor all the hard times we been through
I never could have made it with anyone but you
and I think I know when a lady’s really really tough
and she don’t show me nearly enough
Cause I ain’t never seen her
Stay up all night with a baby
Calm me down when I get crazy
Fix me grits and red-eye gravy
And I ain’t never seen that and honey ’till I do
My heart won’t wander very far from you
No I ain’t never seen her
make a six room house a castle
teach young’uns how to wrestle
straighten out my fishin’ tackle
I ain’t never seen that and honey ’till I do
My heart won’t wander very far from you
No I ain’t never seen that and honey ’till I do
My heart won’t wander very far from you
Now at first glance you may say “How in the world did that make you think about affair fantasy?” Well let me tell you! In this song, the singer is at a drinking establishment and apparently there is a young lady there, in tight jeans, strutting her stuff (as they say). Many times, the slippery slopes of infidelity start with nothing more than that–just a guy or girl in a place that has temptations, and someone there who happens to notice they have a weak chink in their protective armor. What happens next is usually s/he takes a peek–enjoys what they see–and they think something like “Hey why doesn’t my hubby or wife dress up sexy like that anymore?” and gradually lines are crossed and justified.
But this song points out the flaw in that kind of thinking. The singer (Mr. Singer)–very logically, I might add–realizes that although that other lady may fill out a pair of jeans quite nicely, that there are a whole HOST of things that he does not know about her that he does know about his wife (Mrs. Singer)–the one to whom he has made a commitment. For example, the singer of this particular songs starts with things he’s never seen this lass in the tight jeans (Miss “Tight Fittin’ Jeans“) do: “…patch a pair of ragged britches, stretch a paycheck ’till it reaches, scratch my back right where it itches.” Now at first glance these are nice, “country sounding” attributes but let’s look at them a little closer and you’ll see what I mean.
The first example in the song is “patch a pair of ragged britches” and we can’t tell if the singer means that the britches are Mrs. Singer’s or maybe one of the kids’ britches. But what we do know is that the singer’s wife has some skill in sewing and repairing clothing–possibly in patching–and also that she doesn’t mind either herself or her children wearing clothing that has been worn and then repaired! In affair fantasy, Miss “Tight Fittin’ Jeans” may look good, but the fantasy part comes in when we imagine they possess many/most of the “good” qualities that our spouse possesses and imagine they DON’T possess many/most of the “bad” qualities our spouse possesses. In this instance, Miss “Tight Fittin’ Jeans” may be HORRIFIED at wearing anything less that store-bought, brand name, designer clothing and may have no idea whatsoever about how to patch, repair or sew anything…and even moreso, she may have little or no desire to keep his children in repaired clothing either! In fact, she may spend her time at bars attracting other men and avoid “work” at all costs, while Mr. Singer there has to take care of his kids by himself! So see how the affair fantasy (She fills out those jeans well so she must fit my other needs as well) is not even CLOSE to reality?
Let’s look at the second example: “…stretch a paycheck ’till it reaches.” Based on just this statement alone, one could reasonably assume that, on the occasion, the paycheck Mr. Singer earns is just a little less than or exactly equal to the bills or expenses to be paid out! Apparently his spouse has some skill in getting the most for her money, managing a budget, getting good deals, and making sure that all the bills are paid but that at the same time all the needs of the family are met! Now Miss “Tight Fittin’ Jeans” may be another story altogether! She may have no clue how to get the most for her money, may not have the skill OR the self-discipline to stick to a budget, may only want to spend and buy the most expensive things (not the “deals”), and may not be fiscally sound at all! She may have a past history of bad credit, may have a history of having things repossessed, or may have filed bankruptcy! She may spend all her money as soon as any comes in, without regard to bills or family needs. In real life, he may make enough to have a medium, decent living, but if she’s a high maintenance gal–she could drive him right into the poorhouse, financially! So once again….see how the affair fantasy (She fills out those jeans well so she must fit my other needs as well) is not even CLOSE to reality?
Now we’ll look at just the third example in this song: “…scratch my back right where it itches.” I actually love this as an example, because based on this little phrase one could guess/assume that Mr. Singer will sometimes sit with his wife, with his shirt off, and she scratches his back. Notice he doesn’t mention needing to hold in his gut or shave his chest hair or anything, so it seems she knows his little flaws and scars, and accepts him as he is (probably because she has been there with him when he got “this scar” and “that wrinkle”). Mrs. Singer also knows right where he itches! To me, that makes a statement about how well they know each other and how to meet each other’s needs. He doesn’t have to tell her “a little lower …. lower…. okay right there!” or ask her if she’ll do it…she KNOWS and she does it voluntarily. Now let’s think about Miss “Tight Fittin’ Jeans.” She has no clue where his back itches. She wasn’t there when he fell off the tractor. She doesn’t know why that spot hurts. She doesn’t know what to do to meet that need and may or may not even be willing to scratch! What if she just had her nails done? Or what if getting skin under her nails grosses her out? After all, she’s in it to get HER needs met–not to meet someone else’s needs! She’s in this for selfish reasons–not to give selflessly! She wants the richest, hottest guy available to notice her, so to even catch her eye, Mr. Singer would have to hold in his gut, or shave his chest hair…in other words, be who he is not! So once again….see how the affair fantasy (She fills out those jeans well so she must fit my other needs as well) is not even CLOSE to reality?
There in just the three little phrases, this song points out how “the fog” of affair fantasy can clog a person’s mind with things that just are not reality. In reality, Mrs. Singer doesn’t mind wearing clothes that have been repaired and even knows how to repair them herself, doesn’t mind caring for the kids and giving them repaired clothes to play in, has the skill and self-discipline to live by a budget, gets the most for her money, looks out for bargains and deals, knows her husband’s aches and pains and itches (because she was there!), accepts him as he his, and even voluntarily agrees to scratch him right where she knows it itches to meet his need!! In reality, Miss “Tight Fittin’ Jeans” may or may not ever DREAM of wearing anything but the tight, name-brand, designer jeans she is wearing, may or may not buy jeans for herself before caring about someone else’s kids, may or may not have a clue about how to repair clothing or do household chores, may or may not spend her money on those designer jeans whether bills are paid or not, may or may not be able to find a bargain or deal to save her life, may or may not have a PILE of debt and won’t live by a budget, absolutely DOES not intimately know this man who may become her affair partner, definitely DOES wants him to become someone he’s not, and 100% absolutely wants to have HER needs met…not meet his!! It’s called “fog” because the affair fantasy clouds your mind from seeing the reality of the situation.
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