Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 10:4 “Christ is the culmination of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9-10 “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.”
If you really want to save your marriage after infidelity, the thing that will help the most is being a Christian. Our nature is to be sinful people, and the “wages” of that sin–the consequence–is eternal separation from God. We are spiritually dead. If you want, you can envision drowned people in a huge sea. The ocean is the sin that we are in, and since we are drowned, we are dead and powerless to help ourselves. Thankfully, God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to fulfill the Law and take the punishment of our sin in our place. The price has been paid! Those whom He has chosen, He picks them up from the death of drowning in sin, and He breathes life into them so they are able to believe and profess with their mouth that they have been saved from death! So start here … with these verses.
Matthew 19:26 “Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
It may seem hopeless, and it may feel futile and discouraging, to hold on to a marriage after infidelity, but there is hope. God can change a person from the inside out.
Mark 10:6-9 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
These verses give us some background that marriage was something ordained by God. They also tell us a lot of facts about what God thinks about marriage. They say we are to leave the authority of our father and mother’s home. They say we are supposed to have a physical relationship. They say husbands and wives are united … we are ONE. And it says right there that man does not have the authority to tear marriage apart–only God has that authority. So let’s keep in mind what God thinks about marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control”.
These verses show us that moral sexuality is pleasing to God. Please note, however, that our sexuality is not self-centered–to get what we need–but rather SPOUSE-centered. We are told our bodies belong to each other -AND- that we should not go without sex because we help each other with sexual self-control. Have you been withholding sex to control your spouse?
1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”
This is a promise. God IS faithful and He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But note that it doesn’t say it will be easy or that you won’t be hurt. It says that others have been tempted by the same stuff that is tempting you, and that God will give you a way to deal with it.
Galatians 6:9 “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
Everyone gets tired…gets discouraged…feels dejected. Do not give up. Keep planting the seeds of doing good, even sometimes in the face of evil. Do the right thing.
Ephesians 4:15 “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.”
This verse has to do with honesty and openness. I’m sure you would LOVE it if your spouse or “soon-to-be-ex” was honest with you and openly let you into their life and heart. But how honest are YOU with your spouse? Do you “speak the truth” to them? What about when you think they’ll get mad? Do you lie to avoid their anger? Speak the truth, lovingly.
Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
If you had gotten from God what you deserve, you would be spiritually dead. If your spouse got from you what they deserve for their affair, they might be on the curb with divorce papers. But God forgave you and gave you a way to be saved–can you forgive your spouse and give them a way to rebuild (if they are truly repentant)?
Philippians 4:13 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”
Oh this is probably one of the most misused verses in the Bible. It DOES NOT mean that you can do whatever you want and God with give you the strength to do it. It means that the things that please Him are not always easy…in fact it’s hard to resist our nature and live like a Christian! But not only does God call us to obey, He also gives us the strength to do the things He asks.
Hebrews 10:24 “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”
Believe the best of your spouse, and actively encourage them to do the right thing, obey God, and stop doing what they know is wrong.
Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
Just so you’re not believing those crazy justifications like “We were called together so we could serve in the Youth Group Ministry”–here’s a verse that says right out that God is not pleased with adultery. So you’re not nuts. God does not tell people to break their covenant and be unfaithful in order to serve Him–just the opposite really.
James 1:19 “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
Did you notice something interesting? It doesn’t say “No matter what, don’t ever, Ever, EVER become angry.” It can be righteous to be angry, and anger handled correctly is not sinful. But the big message here, of course, is to listen a lot more than you speak, and when you listen don’t just be plotting your response.
2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”
The moment you sinned, God could have demanded the price from you immediately–He had the right. But He was patient with your unfaithfulness to Him…and now you can model His behavior by being patient and giving your spouse every opportunity to do the right thing.
1 John 4:7-8 “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”
Please do not be confused: Love is not the same as being a doormat. Love does not mean “walk all over me.” It means making the choice to act lovingly toward someone even with they are not acting too lovely, and it means doing what is in their best interests.
Think of a parent who loves their child. Does a loving parent just let their child steal a candybar in broad daylight from the grocery store? OR does a loving parent see the theft and then let their child experience the repercussions of their action (taking the candy back, paying for it, being embarrassed) so that the child learns that stealing has painful ramifications? If they let the child steal and just cover up the theft, the child will never learn the lesson!
Same with adultery. Being loving does not mean “pay no consequences”–it means that you will do what is loving and allow your adult spouse to live through the painful consequences to learn their lesson, but you don’t add vengeance and spite. Be loving–love them enough to do what is best for them.
Related articles
- Inspirational Bible Verses- Being Saved Born Again – Romans 10:9 (darrellcreswell.wordpress.com)
- Is it in the Bible? (pastorericdouglas.wordpress.com)
AFFAIRCARE 
Awesome verses! When you ask yourself, “how could he have done it?” (and you will), these verses remind you that he is not the only sinner in the family. Thank God for His amazing grace, mercy, and forgiveness!
I really liked your thought with Eph. 4:15….Self examination is hard, but not as hard as putting the truth of what we need to do to change into action. I also felt you conveyed what love endures to save marriage. Love doesn’t enable or condemn. Great post!
This is an excellent list, Cindy! Thank you for compiling it!
A couple of great verses that have helped us in our recovery are found in Isaiah 43… verses 18-19:
“Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. “Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.
Verses about marriage in the Holy Bible: http://www.holy-bibles.org/search5/marriage.htm
Wow, Jake, this is awesome! Thank you!
Beautiful verses! They are helping me cope with the aftermath of infidelity.
Amen…..To God be the glory knowing that God will fight my battles has given me acceptance to the things I can’t change and faithto hold on to God unchanging hand.
Thank you Cindy for this post. I still haven’t decided yet if I can stay married to my husband, his infidelity is still new. Over the last couple of weeks my husband was arrested in a sting by trying to pick up a prostetute. I went to court with him after they rearrested him he called me and was begging me to ask a reverand friend ours for help getting him out of jail. I told him since I was driving I’d have to use his cell phone because I don’t have his number in mine. While trying to find the contacts I some how opened the text messages and came across several from another woman telling each other how much they loved each other and couldn’t wait to be together etc. Of course I got mad but I tried to think of our daughter and confronted him about it his first lie was that he didn’t have a clue what I was talking about then he told several more lies on top of it. He still hasn’t apologized for any of it yet he just says OK he was wrong and I need to get over it and let it go. I prayed for help to deal with it I have even prayed that god would forgive me for whatever sin I may have committed to cause him to go to other women. I don’t know what else to do though. I am still hurting and although I am no longer having vengeful thoughts I still can’t seem to completely forgive him. Do you have any suggestions? God bless you and thank you again. Sincerely Vickie.
Victoria,
I took a little time to think over your comment, because I wanted to reply thoughtfully. Before I go any further, I would like to make it clear that your husband has treated you and your marriage with ENORMOUS disrespect. Clearly his actions are wrong, and his actions have broken the covenant of your marriage. The one justification that the Bible gives for divorce is “sexual immorality,” and I would say your case fits that exception…and if you do choose to divorce, it would be because his sexually immoral choices destroyed the covenant.
One thing that stands out to me is that right now you are saying you can’t forgive him because he hasn’t apologized. Victoria, I would like to encourage you to listen to his ACTIONS rather than his WORDS. His words may even say ‘I’m sorry’ but right now he has demonstrated that he is fully capable of deceiving you with his words and also fully capable of saying one thing and doing another.
So right now, do not listen to or accept his words–watch how he ACTS. Rather than looking for a verbal apology now, I would encourage you to look for apology via actions: namely that he IMMEDIATELY stops the affair, ends all contact with the other woman ever, ends all connection with the other woman (for example, if she is someone at work, he has to find a new job), and on his own accord places himself into some kind of accountability, such as counseling with the pastor, and DOES THE WORK! If his actions were like that, then he would be apologizing by the way he treats you. If he speaks to you and says flowery words, but does not act like that–then even if he did apologize it would not be the kind of true repentance where he turns his life around.
Finally, when his actions demonstrate to you that he is actually sorry for what he has done (and not just trying to cover things up), then whether his words say it or not, you may find it easier to forgive. Everyone is human, even your husband, and he may have just made a whole string of very bad choices. Thus, even though you’be been betrayed, it can be more palatable to forgive when the disloyal spouse is actually BEHAVING in a different way! Now it’s also conceivable that he will not change and that he will continue to try to blame you for his choices and the destruction of the marriage. In that case, I do think God still wants us to forgive–after all He forgave us when we betrayed Him and while we were still active in our sin–but that kind of forgiveness is not condoning the continuation of sinful action. It’s forgiveness in the sense of letting go and allowing God to deal with the disloyal person.
Thank you again Cindy. I have taken your advice to heart and have realized that you’re right. His actions towards me these last several days have changed for the better. He is actually working with me on a couple of home projects instead of his usual ordering me to do it alone. He is even helping me more with our toddler. I may still need some time to figure out if he’s changing because he knows how badly he hurt me and how close he came to losing us. Or if he’s changing to cover up his affair further. But time will tell and I need to heal. So I am taking your advice and continuing to pray and let god be his judge in the end. I think that is probably the only way I can forgive is through trusting that God has my back in the end. God bless you. Thank you again.
I, agree, I have been dealing with the same type of problem. My husband have had many, many affairs, but I would always forgive him. But, I’m always reminder of Isaiah 4:17 that NO weapon formed against me shall prosper, It is a weapon but it Won’t prosper. God will deal with the situation, if he continue to allow the enemy to us him to hurt you and your children.
Cindy,
My husband and I need help. Our situation is somewhat unique. First let me say that I was the one who committed adultery. My husband and I met when I was 17 and he was 18 at our job. Our beginning was a little complicated. I’m the Christian and he was not at the time. He deceived me enough for me to think that he was also a Christian and a virgin. But after we started our relationship it was revealed that he was neither. But I stayed and soon I found out I was pregnant. I was 18 at the time so my parents, though disapproving, couldn’t make me do anything. Time went by and two months after our daughter was born we were married. We got a place and things were good for awhile. But he didn’t listen when it came to being careful with sex and when our daughter was 5 months old I was pregnant again. That’s when things started to go downhill. He didn’t want to be home and I was almost constantly alone taking care of our daughter while pregnant and tired. Our son was born and he helped for about a month. But then I was forced to do everything by myself. He was also a big spender and I could barely keep us afloat by making him pay bills. When our son was 9 months old, I became pregnant again because he didn’t want to take precautions. When our son was about 15 months, he changed. We would later find out that he has autism. But I was forced to take care of our daughter, our son and his challenges all while pregnant and then caring for our infant son while he went out with friends and would stay out all hours of the night making me worry. There were rumors that he was fooling around, he has assured me recently that nothing ever happened. Over the next 6-7 years he was emotionally abusive and constantly pushed me away. I prayed and prayed and I was patient. I tried so hard and after losing two homes and countless overdue bills plus the neglect and starving for affection, I told him, about 5 years ago, that I was tired and wanted to leave. He broke down said he was sorry and did start to change. About a year later he was back to doing the same thing except now he got worse and we were constantly fighting. I started to hate him and wish he wouldn’t come home after being gone for so long and not answering my calls even when there were emergencies. So about a year ago, our best friend of 10 years told me how he felt about me and how he hated how I was being treated and one thing lead to another and we started an affair. At first it was just to wash away the pain and to feel loved. We fell in love and fell hard. We made plans and I asked for a divorce. My husband started to change and for the first time he actually saw the wrong he had done. But in my mind at that point was, “you’re too late.” I didn’t tell him about the affair. Then I found out about two weeks ago that I’m pregnant. And I had to tell my husband that I didn’t know who the father was. And I told him everything. Over the past two weeks we have talked and started to heal and I had to choose who I wanted to be with and I thought I wanted to be with our friend. But I came to realize how much I love my husband and all the hurt he caused me is what blinded me from seeing it. I have broken it off with our now ex-friend and the only reason we are keeping in touch is because I don’t know who the father is and if the other guy is the father I can’t keep him away from his child. My husband would love to just cut him out of our lives so we can heal but he understands that we can’t until we know for sure who is the father. We haven’t told anyone yet since it’s still new. We aren’t going to hide it. We’re just trying to find the right time since both our parents and siblings are busy people. My husband is seeking help on how to cope with the fact that we can’t just cut him out of our lives even though he really wants too. I am truly sorry that I cheated and I’m willing to move on and have asked for forgiveness. Any adivce would be greatly appreciated.
I cheated on my wife after being together for 9yrs and married 5 biggest mistake I ever made in my life I love my wife so much I still can’t believe I did that to the One that has my back since DAYONE I felt less than a man once it all came out then I felt like I was a little boy selfish and lost with a lot of bullshit she is the the best woman I ever had I want make excuses cause no matter what goes on in your marriage never cheat if u cheat its a sign u don’t want to be in the marriage just get out instead her heart is broken for life I’m sure and im doing everything I can with prayer and admitting I was wrong in every since if I loss her I’m just a walking body because my soul would be dead for sure
I don’t know where to start
Reblogged this on marriagemiracle and commented:
To this list I would add, “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28 ESV.
It is so important to guard your heart against infidelity. Eight years into my marriage, I almost had an affair. Had it not been for my Christian faith, I may have. I had to make a decision in a split second.
My husband, “Mark” invited his new co-worker “Tim” over for dinner every Wednesday. Since Tim had accepted the job outside his home state, he only got to see his family on the weekends and lived in a hotel the rest of the week. Mark felt bad for the guy and wanted to offer him a regular home cooked meal. After a few weeks, I noticed Tim’s eyes lingering on mine and I enjoyed the positive feeling it gave me. Pretty soon, I was making sure the house was spotless and the meal extra special on those Wednesdays. I lit candles and put on make up. I told myself that I was just wanting to be a good wife and make a good impression as a dotiful caretake. All the while, the attention grew. One night, I caught Tim’s foot under the table and I let in linger for a moment before pulling away.
Then one Wednesday, Mark had to travel out of town. I asked him if I should still have Tim over for dinner. Mark curiously replied, “yes, as long as you don’t kiss him.” I was still innocent in my head, so I felt instinctively defensive. “Of course not” I protested, while secretly cheering for an opportunity to be alone.
The night began innocently enough. We ate dinner, then sat down to watch a TV show. Tim slowly inched closer to me. I wanted him to touch me, but the awkward silence made me ask him if he wanted to play darts in the garage. Once outside, he smoked a cigarette, and I asked him for a drag. I felt young and attractive. The flirting was palpable. “Well, it’s getting late. I should probably be going.” He said, and we started walking down the driveway to his car. As we walked into the shadow of the house, I felt his arm around my waist and suddenly he was pulling me towards him. As he leaned in to kiss me, I moved my head quickly and gave him a hug.
For the next few nights I ached for him. Then I told a friend. “You can’t see him,” she said. “You must avoid him.”
As hard as that was to hear, I knew she was right. Eventually the desire passed, but temptation is real. The devil lost that battle, but did not stop. I am sure my husband was fighting the same battle, but his faith was not as strong as mine.
If you are facing this kind of temptation, I want to pray with you.
Dear God,
I regret that I have sinned, by giving into temptation. Please forgive me. I pray for those that are facing the temptation of sexual sin. It is so hard to ignore, especially when we feel unloved. Please Lord, provide us with the comfort when we face those trials to overcome. Remind us of your scriptures so that our actions can be pleasing in your eyes. Thank you for showing us a way to find peace and happiness.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
I have just found out about my husband. A click of the Voice Message accidentally left on his cell phone recorded his love making to another woman. To this day he swears his phone as hacked. He goes to church twice on a Sunday. Christian?, he won’t admit anything, I can’t forgive him as he says he has done nothing wrong. Jelly for a back bone, so heart broken. Divorcing him as soon as possible.
I cheated on my husband and im sorry for it bit im only 24 this is so much to go through i married him at 19 years old i just don’t know what to do i think it’s over now.
I cheated on my husband as well, I also got married at 19 (Am 22 now) Let me share my story with you. I met my husband the day after my 18th birthday and it was definitely love at first sight, we were always together and everything was perfect, he left for basic training and AIT and was gone for 7 months, it was rough but we made it! He got home and things were still great! We got married a month after he got home, after that things went down hill. We didn’t tell anyone we got married because no one was supportive. After that things went down hill slowly, we became homeless, then we moved 12 hours away, lived there things started to get better, but then before we knew it they got way worse, physical and all.. We moved back home, and we had a baby, things were good, but not as good as they once were.. Fast FWD to Nov 2015. I found out he was lying to me about smoking, doing drugs and drinking (I was very frustrated ONLY because he lied to me, it hurt knowing that he could lie straight to my face for 3 years with no care on how I would feel, well a few days after I found out he said we didnt connect anymore.. WHAT!? I wasn’t even sure what to say, do, or think!!! I was at work *I work at a hotel, and I met this guest, he was so sweet, we clicked right away, we started talking and hanging out everyday.. (he was at the hotel for 5 days 6 nights) he always told me how beautiful I was (I never heard that from my husband, EVER!) he would hold doors open for me and just over all treat me right, something my husband truly lacked, I begged my husband for the love and affection, but he never showed it. Well I started getting feelings for the guy at the hotel, I tried to believe they were fake, but they werent at the time, he made me feel good and he was filling a void that my husband wasnt filling… Well he left the hotel and I was so sad! I missed seeing him alot! So I went to his house to sell him (he lives about an hour away) and thats when I cheated, I thought having sex with him would take all the pain away, but indeed was wrong, it took the pain away temporarily, but now I have to see how much it affects my husband.. (I never knew he cared so much) I am not sure what is going to happen between us, he tells me he still loves me and wants it to work, but 10 minutes later he is raging saying I dont love him and he doesnt know if he will ever forgive me, so yea… If you ever need to talk, let me know. 🙂
I just found confirmation that my spouse has cheated on me. I’m not sure what to do. We’ve been together 30 yrs please pray for us.
my husband had an affair for 9 years before I found out. He says he loves me and he has no thought of leaving. But he want kiss me, make love to me or anything. I love him ,I really want our marriage to work. We have been married 35 years. I know he is still seeing her. What can I do.
I just had an affair for the second time. I have been married for twelve years, been with my husband since I was 17. I am now 32 and I don’t know why I’ve done this, I feel like I’m starving for affection, intimacy or something else. I am so hurt for what I’ve done to him but also hurt because I fell in love with the other man. He had promised me he was going to leave his wife for me and I still believe he loves me just scared to leave her because of the kids. I told my husband about the affair a couple days ago he the told the mans wife and it’s been chaotic since. All I’ve done is pray and pray… Why have I done this…? Twice? What drives a woman to do any of this? I feel so lost and alone. I now have neither of them. I don’t know if my husband want to reconcile the marriage or of he’s just done. What do I do? Try my hardest to make things better with my husband? Any advice will be helpful
My husband cheated on me and is having a baby. I have no idea what to do. I am so confused it’s unbelievable. He is so sorry for what he’s done and said that he cant believe he did this to his best friend. What do I do? What will happen to me and my relationship with GOD if I leave him? Should I forgive him? I don’t know any answers and don’t know where to turn? I been with my husband for 27 years. We are best friends and I love him but do I continue to live with this burden or do I move on. I found out about this affair in March 2015 so it only been a few months. What do I do GOD I need your help.
If you still love him you guys can work on it. I’ve been on both ends of this horrible act… I wrote the post above you. Like I said in my post I still love my husband, I wanted to work things out with him, I wanted attention from him and he knew about it. I got lonely, I know women’s needs are different from men, but don’t give up hope.
Thank you so much for your support sometimes I feel so alone. I have family that stands by my decision but no one will ever know the pain that I am experiencing-except someone like you. My feelings are hurt beyond belief and some days are better than others I stay in prayer because GOD is my main support HE gives me hope. I never thought that this would happen to me and I still don’t know why but I guess one day that will be revealed to me. Please keep me in your prayers as I do have some days where I am completely lost.
I’m away from my husband, i’ve been married for 10 years, he admitted his cheating on me that was makes me hurt so bad, he promised me he will not do it again, and he is sorry, i don’t know what to do right now I’m so depress and can’t stop my eyes to cry. I’ll never believe him at this point of time. I’m still away working in other place. How can i stop him for doing the wrong things? I’m a Christian but his not totally committed with God. What should i do? Pls help me i need your advice.
My husband cheated on me with his Ex-wife..8/2014. My Mother in law never had like me & has a good relationship w/ the Ex-wife. Now I came to find out the details of it on Mother’s Day.. 5/2015 (What’s a Mother’s Day gift) he has promise and said things about how sorry he is & how he is going to change. I just can’t trust him & I don’t believe one word that he says. Yes he has tried here & there but then he gets back into his conform zone. meaning he will stop trying to fix our marriage. I feel that he has to earn his trust and my love tour him. When it come to conversation letting him know how I feel. He will stars again then he goes back to his comfort zone again.. Why should I be the one to tell him how to win me back?? Why can it come out of him? This make me feel we always go back to square one. I have been a faithful wife. I’m good mom. I don’t know what else to do. Any advice will help tha ak you Pls help me
I found out 4 days ago that my husband has been cheating on me. During the first two years of our marriage I suspected it, but he always said his interactions with other women never led to sex. This time he has actually admitted that he has been with multiple women sexually the entire time we’ve been married. It seems that my situation is different because it doesn’t seem to be a “bad decision”, but rather a habitual act of betrayal and disrespect. My first thought was to just get a divorce and cut my losses, but he wants to stay and fix our marriage. He claims he loves me and the past 2 years of our marriage has been great (the first 2 years were terrible) so I am confused as to how we fix something that neither of us thought was broken. I love him, but his betrayal is so overwhelming and sickening. I realize that none of what has happened is surprising to God so He must have a plan. I just wish I knew what it was. I want to trust God and allow His will to be done, but I also don’t want to be stupid when this is a clear sign of something more than your typical affair.
Awesome list. I recently found out that my wife had been cheating on me with multiple other guys. Almost all of the thoughts that you brought out through your commentary, the Lord had revealed it to me already. Now I actually have the verse to go along with it. We’ve been married 10years and have 3 children together. I love her so much. Until the Lord takes that love I have for her as a husband away, I can’t leave her. I choose to follow Jesus’ teachings and love her because in the end she will be the one that has to answer for it. But if I’m bitter toward her and refuse to show her the love that Christ has shown to us, then I may very well stand before judgment in that day with her blood on my hands. Each person is to work in themselves their own salvation. I have to strive to do what I can to get ME to heaven because in the end we each and every one will have to answer for the deeds done on this earth.
You are such a good man for this. I pray your relationship can be restored.
First I want I ask The Lord for forgiveness. I cheated on my wife, not sexually but flirted through text messages. It started innocently enough but led to where I am today. I love my wife so much and it kills me to see what I put her through. I am willing to do anything to make it better. I keep praying to The Lord for his forgiveness and strength for her and out marriage. I will contact the church about personal counseling and also marriage counseling. I just want to give hope to other out here that God is going to see all of us through, we just have to do our part.
Let me say your verses were wonderful but I have a question me and my husband have been married for 16 years been together for 20 and I haven’t been the best wife of the 5 years we were together I cheated but then we made a pact that we wouldn’t do it again well I kept that pact he didn’t I found clothes on his truck one day when he came back home and he admitted it I love him but I don’t know how to trust him there is so much to this story but that’s the synopsis of it help
first i want to ask forgiveness in lord, s i have done great sin,like adultery, i have been married for 3 years ,than my life started to upside and down in 2014. In sept 2014 i got miscarriage of two and half month,than my father expired after months on 28.Nov 2014. than after four months i came to knew that my husband is having affair with other women and than jobless for 8 months.he left me for other women. i tried everything to save my marriage i even implored to other woman to leave my husband alone and i beg n touch my husband feet not to leave me,but he left without any remorse or pity i was left alone n jobless of course he finance me little amount to survive only until i got job.he brought that other woman in front of me two times,he even took poison for that girl s he was suspicious her link up with other guy. i rush him to the hospital and save him,but once he come to his sense he ask about her instead of asking me, i was so hurt but still i took care of him without feeling bad, but he could not leave and forget that girl, finally he left me and now they are were living together 15 km away from my home, i m praying to God to reconcile us and restore our marriage , but during this time after 7 months i went for dating with two guys. as it is too painful and wanted to move on and start my new life, but i could not forget my husband and still love him so much,that i despise myself cheating on my husband behind his back , first of all i was done sin and mistake before God than to my husband, even thought he still doing adultery, it seem i have done d bigger sin N mistake done to God and my husband than my husband, i even not staying in my own home as i wanted to avoid that my dating boyfriend s he always come to home even thought i refuse to let him come home. I m regretting so much and confessing to god again and again , i m feeling so bad,i wan some help, will God forgive my sin for adultery, i my repenting my sin,will somebody help to come out of this problem.now i think less for my husband but i was regretting about my affairs……
First off, if you are God’s child, He will forgive you. In fact, He has. Jesus paid the full penalty for all (not just some, but all) of your sins over 2000 years ago. There are no more sins to punish. Our repentance and our asking for forgiveness is how we remind ourselves that we are incapable of providing our salvation. That is God’s job, and His alone. We acknowledge this every time we ask forgiveness – and rejoice when we remember the good news of the Gospel. The debts of God’s children are paid in full.
Since you have already asked forgiveness of God, what you are experiencing now is the emotion of guilt. It cannot be said with enough emphasis – your feelings of guilt, and your standing with God are not identical! They are NOT the same thing! Your feelings are yours to own and yours with which to deal. You are producing this emotion, and you are choosing to continue experiencing it. The best advice is to keep telling yourself that God has already dealt with this and all of your worry and doubt are hurting you.
Everybody does this from time to time. It is as if we have decided that we – not God – are the judges of our actions, and since we have not yet experienced relief from our emotions, we convince ourselves that what we are feeling is how God views us. It is better for us to step out of the judges chair remembering that God, not we, is the real judge. If God has said “there is now no longer any condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1) then what exactly are we doing by trying to argue something different?
With that out of the way, how are you planning on dealing with your marriage?
Thank you,i almost give up to standing for my husband.
Jackoline – when you say ‘standing for my husband’, what do you mean?
HAVE FAITH IN OUR ALMIGHTY LORD AND TRUST.THAT LORD HATES DIVORCE AS IT SAY IN MALACHI 2
I asked the question “What do you mean when you say ‘standing for my husband’?” specifically to help you determine what your plan will be regarding your marriage. Please note that we do not advocate divorce here at Affaircare. We never suggest this as the only solution. But it is still an option – and it is not always a sin.
You quoted Mal 2:16. I don’t think people fully understand that verse – and I think that is because of how it is interpreted. People think God declares divorce a sin here, thinking that God hates divorce like He hates murder. But it really says something different. Here is the verse (NKJ version):
God says WHY He hates it – because the man who divorces his wife is doing violence to her (He hates divorce BECAUSE it covers one’s garments with violence.) It is worded a bit differently in the New International version – and I think it shows the intention of God’s word very clearly:
God tells us here not to deal treacherously. In the context of what is being said here, NOT ALL DIVORCE is covered. Instead, a particular sort of divorce is covered: the kind that is unwarranted – the kind that people use all the time. They divorce to chase after happiness, to run to a different partner, to avoid working on issues, and so on.
But in another place in the Bible, God shows that He does not include ALL divorce in this category. He says:
Notice that God says here that divorce is permitted in very specific cases. That is because the adulterous spouse has already committed the violence that God hates. They have already broken the marriage covenant and have destroyed the marriage. They have dealt treacherously with their spouse.
This means that, in this instance, divorce is acceptable to God. It is not necessary (as Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7) – but it is not always forbidden.
What I am trying to say here is that you are hurting yourself by being tossed back and forth by indecision. Instead, a Christian is called upon to make a choice, and then stick by that choice. If you wish to stay with your marriage – make that commitment now, and no longer consider divorce as an option. If you do not wish to continue this marriage, choose divorce and move on. As the Bible says, “Let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no'” God has spoken – He will guide you, protect you, nurture you, and teach you – regardless of the path you choose – as long as that path is acceptable to Him. If the path is not acceptable – He will also use that error to guide, protect, nurture, and teach you – and He will bring you to the correct path. You cannot lose if you are in God’s hands.
Any pain caused by indecision – the confusion, worry, depression and doubt that result from not making a decision – is self inflicted.
You write that you must ‘have faith in our almighty Lord and trust.” This is quite true. But that faith involves moving along a path (“Your Word is a light for my path,” – Psalm 119:105). Nothing in your life will change until you get up. “What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works?” You will find peace, closure, and contentment once you choose and move.
We are here to help you with any choice you make. Busy yourself in reading your Bible! That should be a habit that you cannot do without. That is where you find all the guidance you need.
“…But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves…”
Okay I’m really needing some help. I have prayed and prayed but nothing seems to be getting better. To start from the beginning me and my husband were together 8 years with a child before we it married. During our relationship he has verbally and very physically abusive. But I didn’t want my child to grow up without a father like I did so I made the decision to marry him. We had our second child later that year. I found out 3 months after we got married that he had lied to me and cheated on me numerous times before we got married even while o was pregnant. We are both Christians and so I decided to try to forgive him. After him being physical with me we separated for a while and I was so mad I decided to cheat on him. We got back together and after I got baptized I decided to tell him. After about a year of praying asking for forgiveness and trying to get the courage to tell him I finally did. He didn’t seem to care. Our marriage didn’t even miss a beat. He really didn’t care. He said he forgave me and we continued on with our lives. Fast forward a couple of months and I find out he was talking to other women. We split up and got back together bc I felt like I should extend the same grace to him that he had to me. I found out he actually slept with one of them and has been drinking and doing drugs and going to strip clubs. I try to be forgiving and work on it bc he forgave me and he says he’s sorry but the doesn’t really act like it. He says it doesn’t count bc we were separated and I shouldn’t be mad. The same day I found out I was ready to forgive him and move on but of course it hurt. That same night he tried to have sex with me and I told him to give me some time. He got mad and started to call me a sinner that my body didn’t belong to myself and I just couldn’t believe how inconsiderate he was being. I don’t know what to do. How can you forgive someone who isn’t really sorry. Bc in his mind he didn’t do anything wrong. I want to leave him but I don’t want to be hypocritical or do something God wouldn’t want me to do. I have been praying and trying to be a better follower of Christ but I just don’t know what to do. The problem isn’t that he cheated. The problem is that he isn’t even sorry defends himself while I’m dying inside.
I have been through both sides of this. Never any physical abuse though. But I can tell you that it doesn’t sound like he wants to make it work. If he did then he would quit. And he would apologize, through words and actions! Maybe that is gods way of showing you he won’t change no matter what? I am not sure. But I can give you this advice. You CAN forgive without an apology. I was molested my whole childhood, I never received an apology, but I did forgive. You have to for yourself. I hope that helps.
I’m have a hard time with what happen my wife had a affair. Then told me she would do it again it was not sexual. Then did meet someone within a week after that went all the way i caught after first time she said no more it continued for a month or two. She thought she was pregnant see wasn’t. Now she said it’s done. She will not sleep in the same bed or talk to me. Having hard time holding it together. Have 7+ children and i’m no saint i drink alot in the past five years. Then light switch flipped i was back that’s when all this stated when i came back to place from where i wondered.
How do you forgive someone that has hurt you twice. My husband has cheated on me twice, he always hes sorry. But i dont trust him any more and its always sitting on the back of my head when he’s not with me is he talking to another woman. What do u do?
This past weekend marked another milestone in a chapter of my life. This weekend began the 12th month of the daily reminder of my separation with my wife and family. However once again, despite this stressful time, I am reminded as late as this morning that God has a special purpose for this time in our lives.
As I bowed in prayer this morning, I felt Gods presence. As I prayed for the safety of my family, and the individual lives of each of us, I also prayed that God would bring me a special message through His word that would inspire me for His work.
I was reminded that even Joseph had to be separated from His family for years before God revealed the enormous miracle that would happen in his life. He had a big plan for Joseph, and the separation was necessary to implement it. In so much, God has the Big Picture, and He works everything out in His own time even when we are unaware that He is doing it.
I was reminded of the faithfulness of God, and His ability to perform miracles. Sometimes these miracles are a concerted effort between God and humans, and in others, they are simply unexplainable…and the mountain just disappears. Regardless, the power of God is able to move the mountain through faith.
I was reminded of His love for each of us, and how He suffered and tormented while being called names. He was ridiculed for His love of everyone. He didn’t provide insult for insult, or repay evil with evil. He simply loved and suffered for what was right.
I was reminded of His hope. Even…”Against all hope, Abraham in his hope believed…” Romans 4:18. Hope can be stubborn, but I’m glad it is. How many times I’ve thought of throwing in the towel and saying enough, but that stubbornness of hope reveals itself again. For if it wasn’t for Hope given by God, would we not be washed away in our sea of hopelessness? But rather be thankful! Thankful that God gives us the anchor of Hope, that keeps us grounded on the solid rock that the stubbornness of hope provides. Because of this hope, Abraham transcended into a realm of faithfulness. For it was by this faithfulness that God fulfilled the promises and blessings he would eventually receive. Thusly, I thank God for this stubborn Hope.
I was reminded of His wisdom and grace. God stated through His word, that…”if any of you lack wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you” James 1:5.
This is powerful, because with His wisdom comes the power to have faith. And, with this faith comes the ability to persevere. To persevere for the acceptance of Gods grace in our lives is better then being tossed around by waves of the sea produced by the wind of our faithlessness.
In so much, I ask each of you to hold onto the faith that only He provides. For it is only through the persistent and earnest prayers of His believers, and keeping and demonstrating that faith to the people around us, that God, through His grace, can heal and restore anyone. Any problem, any relationship, any struggle. All we have to do is just believe through Christ, that His plan for grace will happen.
All I can say is thank you
Shameful when people just can’t stay faithful… If not, just leave…
Pray for my marriage .
Dear Cindy, my situation is very fresh so please bear with me as I type everything.
My husband and I only dated for 6 months before we married. He went off to the Army during our first year of marriage. We were married March of 2016. It has not yet been a year but it has been a year since we met. I love him dearly but his lies and deceit are very painful and hard to accept.
In April of this year, he went to his first duty station in Washington State. I remained here in Dayton OH. We are both in the service. I won’t put all of the details in, its too lengthy, but he and I were married without any kind of pre marital counseling.
He immediately regretted our marriage when he ended up in WA and constantly treated me unkindly. In his unkindness, I stayed loyal and faithful and loved him. He had moments of kindness but most of his behavior was angry and resentful towards me.
In June of 2016, he was brought to Kentucky on a training assignment. I was excited because he was only 3 hours away. Things were good for awhile but began to get rocky in August of 2016. He was in KY for 3 months. I visited him with my kids about every other weekend or whenever he was allowed. In August, he pressed me for a divorce but wouldn’t say why. I discovered in our phone records, several women he was texting and promising “dates” when he returned to WA. I confronted him and he promised to stop.
Little did I know, he had not. He has slept with 2 women to date. One was strictly physical but the second one was an ongoing affair for 3 months. He had been actively seeing and sleeping with her up until 2 weeks ago. When confronted, he lied and told me she was just a friend. He then told the other woman to wait for him when he and I divorced.
I spoke to both of the women he cheated with. One knew he was married, the other did not. The one with the ongoing affair knew he was still married. Our daughter, his stepdaughter, was diagnosed with cancer in Sept of this year. He has been pursuing a discharge from the Army for a “compassionate hardship” so he can stay at home with her and take care of her. He did, however, ask his “side girl” to wait for him. But she didn’t know his real name or anything, so lies would have eventually been exposed.
My dilemma lies herein: He says he doesn’t want a divorce. He loves me and the girls. But when he is confronted with his actions, he does not seem remorseful. I am set to move to CA on December 5th (this year) and he will be released from the Army to join me. We had been looking at houses and planning our lives but I found out he’d been carrying on this affair with Maria since August, My confusion was, the last few weeks he seemed to be making an effort. In all reality, spending time with her, lieing to me, lieing to her etc. He came in Sept to see the baby (my daughter with cancer) and I discovered he left for the airport from that woman’s house.
I am disgusted and repulsed by his infidelity. His lack of remorse is puzzling and hurtful. I changed our phone numbers and told him he has one last chance. I felt compelled for a divorce but God’s verses (ones im seeing) keep telling me to hold on. I am angry because I don’t understand. My pastor tells me to hold on…I imagine my friends would tell me to leave. I FEEL like a doormat. It is unfair that we have gone through this over distance. He says he loves me etc but I don’t feel love. I feel lost and betrayed. I don’t know if I should let this go on and let him come live with us in CA. If he separates from the Army, it will be because of my daughter. I don’t want him to have the luxury of being released early at the expense of my child. He says that is not why and things will be different when we’re together. But my heart keeps thinking something will happen, something is going on, that woman and he will see eachother again. I pray to the Lord for guidance but I don’t feel like I am receiving any. Should I try to actually have us live together or just let go? I am so lost.
This is an awesome post. I love the thoughtfulness that you’ve put into each verse! Thank you so much!!! It’s been almost 2-1/2 years since I discovered having an affair with my best friend. We both came to the Lord at a young age. Ended up walking away for a while a few years ago. As soon as I found out what was going on (july 31 2014) I immediately ran back to God! Then began 2 months of the worst hell I could possibly imagine. For 2 months every day, I was rejected, ignored, felt very hated. My wife continued to speak and see the other guy for I believe the entire 2 months. I loved her, I supported her, I served her, and Christ gave me the strength to take more abuse then I ever thought possible! The entire 2 months, I refused to leave my bed, I refused to punish her in any way. I did everything I could to ensure that she felt loved and forgiven. One day she “came to her senses” and decided to stay with me. Oh ya. We have one son together who is now 12 and I have a step daughter who I see as mine. She’s 15 now. In June, we’ll have our 13th wedding anniversary. I have to say tho. After everything that’s happened, after all that God’s done in her, in me, in our marriage, I find myself still not willing to let what happened go. I still have a very hard time believing that she actually loves me and wants to be with me. I want to shout to the world about all that God has done, we’ve even started leading marriage home groups, and I’ve started a marriage ministry (facebook page) lol
But the fact remains. I feel like a fraud because I don’t have everything together. I have issues with depression over it. And I analyze it to its death! I keep trusting that God is working Everything together for good. I keep believing that in my weakness, his strength is made perfect, and his grace in sufficient. I just wonder how long an I going to have to keep suffering?