Monthly Archives: August 2012

Happiness Month! Day 20: Love

Today is Day 20 of Happiness Month and it will be continuing all month long. This all started at the Secret Society of Happy People and if you want to pop over there and become an Amused Member, you can get a Free 31 Types of Happiness poster. As you can tell by my daily #HappinessHappens tweets and Facebook posts, I’ve been a member for a long, long time!

Today, to add happiness to your life:  Love!  Love is an choice to act in a loving way, but nothing can bring happiness like loving someone. So love your spouse, your children, your dog or your cat. Spread the love!

The word “love” is both a noun and a verb.  As a noun, it means:

  • a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
  • a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend
  • sexual passion or desire.
  • a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person;sweetheart.
  • a term of endearment, affection,or the like “Would you like to see a movie, love?”

As a verb, it is an ACTION, and it means:

  • to have love or affection for: “All her pupils love her
  • to act in a profoundly tender,  and passionately affectionate way toward someone
  • to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
  • to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
  • to embrace and kiss (someone)

Love is something that we have largely been misinformed about, in this day and age. Despite what the media and Hollywood have shown us, true Love is not star-crossed lovers who are destined to be together against all odds, whose eyes meet across a crowded room and they just “know.”  Nope.  Love is active.  Love is a choice–just like happiness.  And it’s not about my spouse “completing me” or just naturally knowing exactly what to do to meet all my needs flawlessly either!  Love is about me making the choice to treat my spouse in a way that puts his/her best interests in mind.  I think of HIM or HER before I ever act, and when I do act, it’s in a way that shows him/her respect, honor, and love!  Remember I Corinthians 13?  It tells us:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Over the next days, we’ll be going over all 31 ways to Add Happiness Every Day. You know too often I hear young people say “He doesn’t make me happy” or “I wish she would make me happy” but you know what? Happiness is not something that someone else “makes” you feel. You make choices in your life that can affect your happiness….and ultimately you CHOOSE whether to be happy every day or not. You can also choose to do things that would add happiness to your life every single today.

The Alabaster Jar

10 Confessions of a FAITHFUL Wife


1. Not all intimacy is sex…not all sex is intimacy. Gal. 5:19 says “The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery.” People often use the word “intimacy” as a euphamism for sex, but really, having faithful sex with your spouse means that you know them intimately and love them anyway…and they know you intimately and love you anyway…and you express that affection and commitment in a physical way. Sex before marriage, sex outside of marriage, all the ways that the gift of sex can be misused…these are NOT intimacy.

2. I thought fidelity only meant “not having sex with someone else.” Actually it means a LOT more than that! Fidelity means giving 100% of your affection and loyalty to the one to whom it is due–your spouse. On your wedding day you made a commitment to give 100% to them and them alone and to forsake all others! So you can not give 25% of your affection to the fun guy at church or 10% of your loyalty to the man at work who treats you nice. ALL of it has to go to your spouse: mentally, emotionally, physically, financially.

3. Great sex isn’t about MY orgasm. Too often we think about sex in terms of “what do I get out of it?” We’ll tell our spouse, “I’m horny!” and if they aren’t, well an argument ensues because sex is focused on “what I want” or “what I get out of it.” I Cor. 13: 5 says: “[Love] ..is not self-seeking.” Great sex is me learning about my spouse and learning what pleases him and giving my body as the one sacred and holy place where he can meet his needs…and likewise he learns about me and what pleases me and gives himself as the one God-sanctioned place were I can meet my needs. The focus is not self-centered.

4. It’s hard to think that my withholding may increase my spouse’s temptation. Too often, one spouse has a higher drive and the other has a lower drive, and the one with the lower drive is so focused on controlling when sex occurs that they don’t stop to think that not only is the lack of sexual release going to increase the physical temptation…but it’s also going to increase the temptations to anger, to seeing things lustfully, etc. Not giving yourself to your spouse in a willing and loving way opens the door to sin. I Cor. 7:9 tells us “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” So rather than focusing on what I want (and when) I need to look at the ways my actions either HELP my spouse be faithful…or HINDER my spouse’s fidelity. If I am withholding or I am controlling when sex occurs, I need to examine myself in light of what God says about marital sex and change.

5. The truth is: everyone wants to feel like they’re “desired.” Your spouse has the option to be wanted by their spouse at home…or to look for it elsewhere. But I guarantee you, that neglecting your spouse at home and thinking “…oh s/he will never cheat” is like closing your eyes and thinking no one can see you. Yes, we all want to think the best of our spouse and believe they will uphold their Christian values..but when they are undesired and ignored at home, and someone at work or in their class WANTS them and is interested in them…the door to sin has been flung wide open. You want to be thought of as sexy and desirable, right? You want someone who will look at you and think “OO-LA-LA I want to hug and kiss him/her!” Well your spouse does too!

6. Acting like some parts of sex “are gross” communicates that being intimate with the person you love is gross. You know what? The sheets are going to get wrinkled and might get a stain or two, you may sweat, your love may sweat, bodily fluids are going to be exchanged. It happens! Part of being faithful means learning how to love everything about your spouse, including those stains and swapping spit. Song of Solomon 1:1 says “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine.” If there are hygiene issues, talk to your spouse or maybe have some foreplay in the shower/tub! But learn how to think of your lover as “more delightful than wine.”

7. Don’t be the kind of wife who has to be rested, have flowers, have no stress, have the room perfect, have the right lighting, and have the planets aligned correctly before you’ll be “in the mood.” For myself, I do like getting poems, having a song dedicated to me, or a little candlelight and incense…but I’ve learned that all those things are not always going to happen every time! I’ve learned to be in the frame of mind that’s always WILLING to get in the mood. “Oh? You wanna? Well I’d be willing to let you convince this is a good time!” LOL

8. For your kids to learn what faithfulness truly means, they need to see you modeling fidelity to their dad. If your children see you flirting with guys at work, they’ll learn that flirting outside of marriage is “just their personality!” If your children see you turning to others to have your needs met, they will learn it’s okay for them to turn to others outside their marriage. If your kids see you hiding your cell phone and laptop from your spouse, they will learn that it’s okay to keep secrets from their spouse. If your children hear that “mommy and daddy are getting a divorce because we didn’t get along,” they will learn that if they don’t get along with people, they can just toss them aside.

9. I didn’t realize that faithfulness meant I had to let my spouse see the True Me. I thought everyone deserved some privacy and I could keep some things “to myself” so I wouldn’t hurt him. But fidelity does not mean never, ever hurting my spouse or never, ever making him made. It means being so open and honest with my spouse that I am see-through to him, and he can see my thoughts and my feelings. It means SHARING who I am–the True Me–with my spouse. It means not keeping any secrets and including him in every aspect of my life.

10. Life is going to throw you some curves, and you’re going to think: “I did not sign up for this!” but in your vows you made a promise to spend the rest of your life loving your spouse. That means you stood before God and said that whatever life slings at you, you made a covenant to study your spouse and learn how to act toward them in a loving way. Actually….you DID sign up for this!

 

Wives:

10 Confessions of Wife Who Loves Sex by Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage
Confessions of a Sex Happy Wife by J of Hot, Holy and Humorous
10 Confessions from a Sex-Positive Wife by Lori of The Generous Wife
10 Confessions of Another Sex-Positive Wife by Kate of One Flesh Marriage
Sex Positive Voices from Megan of Do Not Disturb
10 Confessions of Another Sex-Happy Wife from Alecia of Marriage Life
10 Confessions of a Sex-lovin Wife from Erin of Mystery32
Wifey Sex Confessions from Elizabeth of Warrior Wives
10 Confessions of Another Sex-Positive Wife  from Valerie of Mission:Wife

Husbands:

10 Confessions of a Sex Positive Husband from Brad of One Flesh Marriage
Confessions of My Sexy and Sex-Happy Hubby from Mr. Hot, Holy and Humorous, aka Spock
Sex Positive Voices: Part II from Justin of Do Not Disturb
Confessions of the husband of a sex positive wife from Paul of The Generous Husband

Happiness Month! Day 18: Inspiration -and- Save Our Marriage Saturday

by photosteve101 at http://www.planetofsuccess.com/blog/

Today is Day 18 of Happiness Month and it will be continuing all month long. This all started at the Secret Society of Happy People and if you want to pop over there and become an Amused Member, you can get a Free 31 Types of Happiness poster. As you can tell by my daily #HappinessHappens tweets and Facebook posts, I’ve been a member for a long, long time!

Today, to add happiness to your life:  Inspiration!  Not all happiness is giddy bubbliness. Sometimes it’s being inspired by a good quote or a bible verse!  The word “inspiration” is a noun and it means:

  1. The process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative–for example: “flashes of inspiration
  2. The quality of having been so stimulated, especially when evident in something–for example: “a moment of inspiration in an otherwise dull display“.

As we’ve been going over the 31 different ways of adding happiness to our lives every day this month, I’ve been noticing that often happiness has to do with our state of mind, our attitude, or a personality quality.  So the way to add more happiness to your life right now, today, even in the midst of infidelity, has to do with your MIND and becoming the “kind of person” who is inspired.  Since today’s way to add happiness is to be inspired, let me use the ultimate inspiration, God’s Word, to remind you about what Love Is:

I Corinthians 13: 4-8

Over the next days, we’ll be going over all 31 ways to Add Happiness Every Day. You know too often I hear young people say “He doesn’t make me happy” or “I wish she would make me happy” but you know what? Happiness is not something that someone else “makes” you feel. You make choices in your life that can affect your happiness….and ultimately you CHOOSE whether to be happy every day or not. You can also choose to do things that would add happiness to your life every single today.

Today is also Save Our Marriage Saturday.

We have a tradition here at Affaircare. We call it “Save Our Marriage Saturday”–and we’re sharing the love.  Link-love that is!  Every Saturday we hold a link-up party so you can share a post of your own and we can all help each other to save our marriages!

Please share your post on any and all things related to saving your marriage after an affair, reconciling after you committed adultery, recovering your marriage after finding out that your spouse cheated, or keeping your marriage affair-free!

.
1. Please link to your actual “Save Our Marriage Saturday” post, not just the address to your blog or site home page.

2. Please leave me a comment–I would love to visit your site, return the favor, and follow you!

3. Please share the love with your fellow bloggers–Read and leave a comment on at least the two blogs above yours.

4. Please help me spread the word. Let’s create a community of Christian believers who want to bring glory to God by teaching our brothers and sisters about how to have a godly marriage, how to avoid the typical traps that lead to infidelity, and how to be a living testimony of forgiveness and reconciliation if one spouse is unfaithful.

5. Link back to this community, either by using the button below or a text link. You can find the button code here for you to insert in your post:

HTML CODE:



.
I LINK TO THESE GODLY LINK-UPS:
Beholding Glory’s Blog Hop List, No Ordinary Blog Hop: Family-Parenting-Marriage , The Alabaster Jar-Marital Oneness Mondays, Time-Warp Wife-Titus 2sdays, …to Love, Honor and Vacuum–Wifey Wednesdays, Grace Alone/Women Taking a Stand–Thankful Thursdays, and Beholding Glory–Faith Filled Fridays.

Happiness Month! Day 17: Humor

Today is Day 17 of Happiness Month and it will be continuing all month long. This all started at the Secret Society of Happy People and if you want to pop over there and become an Amused Member, you can get a Free 31 Types of Happiness poster. As you can tell by my daily #HappinessHappens tweets and Facebook posts, I’ve been a member for a long, long time!

Today, to add happiness to your life:  Humor!  Knock, knock. Who’s there? The Three Stooges. Will Farrel. Venture Brothers. Monty Python. Humor can come in many shapes and sizes, but today take time to laugh until you fall off your chair and roll on the floor laughing!  The word “humor” can be a noun–a word that names things– or a verb, but today we’ll be concentrating on the noun definition.  As a noun, “humor” means:

  • The quality that makes something laughable or amusing; funniness.
  • That which is intended to induce laughter or amusement.
  •  The ability to perceive, enjoy, or express what is amusing, comical, incongruous, or absurd.
  • A person’s characteristic disposition or temperament.
  •  An often temporary state of mind; a mood: I’m in no humor to argue.
  •  A sudden, unanticipated whim–capricious or peculiar behavior.

(Will Ferrell All Busted Up Over Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson)

Over the next days, we’ll be going over all 31 ways to Add Happiness Every Day. You know too often I hear young people say “He doesn’t make me happy” or “I wish she would make me happy” but you know what? Happiness is not something that someone else “makes” you feel. You make choices in your life that can affect your happiness….and ultimately you CHOOSE whether to be happy every day or not. You can also choose to do things that would add happiness to your life every single today.

Beholding Glory

Happiness Month! Day 16: Hopeful

Today is Day 16 of Happiness Month and it will be continuing all month long. This all started at the Secret Society of Happy People and if you want to pop over there and become an Amused Member, you can get a Free 31 Types of Happiness poster. As you can tell by my daily #HappinessHappens tweets and Facebook posts, I’ve been a member for a long, long time!

Today, to add happiness to your life:  Hopeful!  Things may not be great right now but what do you hope for? Do you have hopes and dreams? What do you hope for in your marriage and family? In your job and home?  The word “hopeful” is both an adjective and a noun.  As an adjective, it would describe how we think or feel, and the word “hopeful” means:

  • Feeling or inspiring optimism about a future event.

As a noun, it would be used as a way to name something–you might say “S/He is a presidential hopeful.”  Used as a noun, the word “hopeful” means:

  • A person likely or hoping to succeed

As you are dealing with the fallout of infidelity in your marriage, do you sometimes feel feelings of optimism about the future?  Do you think your life will go on and you will be happy again one day?  Do you inspire your spouse to feel that the future may be okay and your marriage may grow?  Does you behavior give your spouse reason to have hope?  What about being a “hopeful”?  Are you a reconciliation hopeful?  Do you come across like a person who EXPECTS to succeed at working through this and building a more loving, happy marriage?

Over the next days, we’ll be going over all 31 ways to Add Happiness Every Day. You know too often I hear young people say “He doesn’t make me happy” or “I wish she would make me happy” but you know what? Happiness is not something that someone else “makes” you feel. You make choices in your life that can affect your happiness….and ultimately you CHOOSE whether to be happy every day or not. You can also choose to do things that would add happiness to your life every single today.

Happiness Month! Day 15: Grateful

Today is Day 15 of Happiness Month and it will be continuing all month long. This all started at the Secret Society of Happy People and if you want to pop over there and become an Amused Member, you can get a Free 31 Types of Happiness poster. As you can tell by my daily #HappinessHappens tweets and Facebook posts, I’ve been a member for a long, long time!

Today, to add happiness to your life:  Grateful!  What are the things in your life for which you are grateful?  Write a list in your journal and to bring a little happiness shot in the arm, read you Grateful List. Not Grateful DEAD, Grateful LIST.

The word “grateful” is an adjective–and that means it would DESCRIBE the kind of person we are.  Grateful means:

  • Feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful

Do you feel appreciation in your heart for your spouse?  Do you feel kindness?  Are you thankful for your husband or your wife?  Have you said or shown your gratefulness?  Have you told your spouse out loud the things they do that you like?  Or how much you love their sense of humor?  What can you do TODAY to show your spouse that you are grateful for them?  I do realize this is VERY, VERY hard when your spouse is in an affair, but even then there  are things your spouse does for which you can be thankful–like driving the kids to school or picking them up, making lunches, or paying the bills.  Take the time today to make THEIR day: tell them or show them that you are GRATEFUL.

Over the next days, we’ll be going over all 31 ways to Add Happiness Every Day. You know too often I hear young people say “He doesn’t make me happy” or “I wish she would make me happy” but you know what? Happiness is not something that someone else “makes” you feel. You make choices in your life that can affect your happiness….and ultimately you CHOOSE whether to be happy every day or not. You can also choose to do things that would add happiness to your life every single today.

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Happiness Month! Day 13: Give

Today is Day 13 of Happiness Month and it will be continuing all month long. This all started at the Secret Society of Happy People and if you want to pop over there and become an Amused Member, you can get a Free 31 Types of Happiness poster. As you can tell by my daily #HappinessHappens tweets and Facebook posts, I’ve been a member for a long, long time!

Today, to add happiness to your life:  Give!  Sometimes life feels negative because we become so focused on “what’s in it for me?” To increase your happiness…give some away! Give of yourself and your time, and give selflessly.  The word “give” is both a noun and a verb.  As a noun, it is a word that names and it means:

  • Capacity to bend or alter in shape under pressure; elasticity

As an example, you might say “Those jeans have a certain amount of give, and that’s how they fit her so well.”  LOL  Looking at that meaning though, how much “give” to you have in your marriage?  Do you have the capacity to bend?  Can you alter your opinions and expectations when you two are under pressure?  Are you easy-going and able to “go with the flow”?  If not, maybe this is an area of your life you could practice changing to add happiness to your own life and to your marriage.

As a verb, it is a word describing ACTION…there’s something we need to DO.  It means:

  • Freely transfer the possession of (something) to (someone)

As an example, you might say “We chose to give her a necklace for her birthday.”  Using the word this way, how often do you give to your spouse?  Do you transfer possession FREELY?  Or do you keep score of how often you have done it and s/he hasn’t?  Or do you do it grudgingly and with resentment?  Do you jealously want to keep it yourself?  How often to you give of yourself, you thoughts, your feelings and your time to your spouse?  If you look at these questions and realize that you are not willingly and lovingly giving, maybe that’s an area of your life where you could increase your happiness.

Over the next days, we’ll be going over all 31 ways to Add Happiness Every Day. You know too often I hear young people say “He doesn’t make me happy” or “I wish she would make me happy” but you know what? Happiness is not something that someone else “makes” you feel. You make choices in your life that can affect your happiness….and ultimately you CHOOSE whether to be happy every day or not. You can also choose to do things that would add happiness to your life every single today.

The Alabaster Jar

Save Our Marriage Saturday – 8/11

We have a tradition here at Affaircare. We call it “Save Our Marriage Saturday”–and we’re sharing the love.  Link-love that is!  Every Saturday we hold a link-up party so you can share a post of your own and we can all help each other to save our marriages!

Please share your post on any and all things related to saving your marriage after an affair, reconciling after you committed adultery, recovering your marriage after finding out that your spouse cheated, or keeping your marriage affair-free!

1. Please link to your actual “Save Our Marriage Saturday” post, not just the address to your blog or site home page.

2. Please leave me a comment–I would love to visit your site, return the favor, and follow you!

3. Please share the love with your fellow bloggers–Read and leave a comment on at least the two blogs above yours.

4. Please help me spread the word. Let’s create a community of Christian believers who want to bring glory to God by teaching our brothers and sisters about how to have a godly marriage, how to avoid the typical traps that lead to infidelity, and how to be a living testimony of forgiveness and reconciliation if one spouse is unfaithful.

5. Link back to this community, either by using the button below or a text link. You can find the button code here for you to insert in your post:

HTML CODE:



I LINK TO THESE GODLY LINK-UPS:
Beholding Glory’s Blog Hop List, No Ordinary Blog Hop: Family-Parenting-Marriage , The Alabaster Jar-Marital Oneness Mondays, Time-Warp Wife-Titus 2sdays, …to Love, Honor and Vacuum–Wifey Wednesdays, Grace Alone/Women Taking a Stand–Thankful Thursdays, and Beholding Glory–Faith Filled Fridays.