Today, we look at the fifth behavior that can put out the fire of love: Family Neglect! This extinguisher involves disregarding your spouse’s need for help with the family and in fact inflicting emotional harm by becoming the sort of spouse who is:
- Refusing to Leave and Cleave–Are you the wife who goes running to your mom every time you and your husband have an argument? Or are you the husband who let’s his mom schedule his day for him and let’s her tell your wife she’s not cooking right? If so, then you are extinguishing your spouse’s love fire, and you need to leave your family of origin and cleave to your spouse!
- Not Making Time for Personal Adult Time–As a married couple, you aren’t just there to work, do chores, and take care of the kids; you also vowed to love your spouse until one of you dies. So if you are the kind of spouse who does not designate daily time for your spouse and some weekend time just to do things together and have some mutual hobbies and interests, then you are putting out the flame of love.
- Not Making Time for Child Rearing–Are you the mom who says, “Just WAIT until your dad gets home!” and you make you husband do all the discipline? Are you the dad who sits and plays WoW while your wife struggles with the kids’ homework, bath time, and taking care of them by herself? If so, then your spouse is going to build resentment over your lack of participation and you will be dumping water all over the blazing fire of love.
- Not Equitably Contributing to Household Chores–I understand you go out into the wild world to work for a living, but that doesn’t mean that laundry is washed, dried and folded–or that dishes are washed and put away–or that the carpet is vacuumed And that doesn’t even mention watching the children, making 3 meals a day for everyone, scrubbing the bathtub and sinks, etc.! Even if your spouse is a Stay-At-Home parent, don’t let them do all the chores by themselves or they will feel resentment, and you will be extinguishing the blaze of love.
- Getting Too Comfortable–This spouse is the one who acts like “well I caught you and now I don’t have to put any more effort into this relationship.” If you are the spouse who has gotten lax in the relationship, has stopped putting forth effort, has stopped saying loving words or doing loving touches or sending flowers or doing acts of kindness, then you may be getting too comfortable. If you think “Well what we had was special and that could never happen to us” then FOR SURE you have gotten too comfortable, and you are pouring water onto the love fire of your spouse!
Over the next few weeks, we’ll go ahead and continue our “Back to Basics” by going over all our Basic Concepts. To understand what a Love Extinguisher is, you could read the Basic Concepts article to get a more in depth explanation. Briefly, to help you envision the idea, think of your marriage like a campfire. There are actions that can quench the fire of love, and those actions are Love Extinguishers. BUT there are also actions that stoke the fire of love and make it hotter–those are Love Kindlers. The first week of September, we examined the Love Kindlers. Then we had two weeks off while Dear Hubby was in the hospital….but this week we’ll continue the Love Extinguishers. The first week of October we’ll look at the Seven Steps to End an Affair, and for the second week of October God willing, we’ll review the Seven Steps to Rebuilding After an Affair. We hope you’ll join us on this journey to get “Back to the Basics”!!
- Back to Basics – Love Extinguisher #4 Financial Neglect (affaircare.com)
- Back to Basics – Love Extinguisher #3 Physical Neglect (affaircare.com)
- Back to Basics – Love Extinguisher #2 Spiritual Neglect (affaircare.com)