Back to Basics–Step 3 of 7 Steps To End An Affair

You’ve suspected for a while that something is not right between you and your spouse. Maybe they were spending lots of extra hours “at work” but there was no overtime on their paycheck. Maybe they completely changed their music, hairstyle, or clothing choices to something appropriate for someone decades younger. Maybe they were chatting or texting all the time and then deleted everything so you couldn’t see it.

Whatever the reasons, you had a sneaking suspicion something wasn’t right…

If you suspect your spouse is having an affair or is being emotionally unfaithful, do not despair. An affair does not have to mean the end of your marriage. In fact, consider this:

  • Approximately 20% of affairs last less than two months
  • Approximately 50% of affairs last more than one month, but less than a year.
  • The remaining 30% last more than a year
  • Very few last more than four years
  • Around 3% result in marriage

There are Seven Steps You Can Take to End an Affair if you have reason to believe your spouse may be unfaithful.  There is no guarantee your marriage will recover, but these steps will give you the best opportunity to recover after the affair ends.

Step 1) Gather Evidence.

Step 2) Confront.

Step 3) Disclose. When you have confronted your disloyal spouse about the affair and asked them to end it, and they either refuse to do so or have not done so (maybe they took it more “underground”), what’s the next step?  Well just to review, Matthew 18: 15-17  tells us specifically how to deal with a brother or sister who sins.  What closer brother or sister do you have than your own spouse? So let’s look to God‘s Word for the step we should take next.  Look specifically at verse 16:

15  If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.

16  But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

17  If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

The next step you can take to end your spouse’s affair is to disclose the affair to ONE very respected authority whom your disloyal spouse  looks up to and may listen to.  See if you can find someone who is likely to be pro-marriage and tell your disloyal spouse that having an affair is not acceptable, and tell them that they should end it and work on the issues in the marriage!  This one person is possibly one of the disloyal spouse’s parents, a pastor or religious leader, a mentor or a lifelong friend. Meet with the one person in confidence; explain to them you expect them to keep it confidential but that you need help; and then explain that your spouse is having an affair and give them the facts. If you can, show them some of the evidence. Then ask the respected person to help you and give you any support they can offer to encourage your disloyal spouse to “come home.” The idea here to keep this to ONE specific person who is pro-marriage, wise, and trusted by both of you so that any potential for embarrassment is minimized and so your disloyal has the opportunity to “do the right thing.”

On the occasion a disloyal spouse will listen to the person they trust and respect, and end the affair.  Like the verse in Matthew says: “If they listen to you, you have won them over.”  If this is your case, consider yourself blessed.

If that is not how it works out for you, please bear in mind that sometimes the one respected person will let you down or will be hesitant to get involved, much less ask your spouse to end their affair.  That’s why we recommend that you choose this person as wisely as you possibly can!   If that is the case, please post a comment or post a Prayer Request and we’ll pray for you.  Thank God, He didn’t just leave us at this point, but the verses continue with the next step.  And so we will post tomorrow with Step 4.


This is post #2 in the CMBA 1/2 Marathon Blogging Challenge to post everyday for 13 days in October … AND is part of the Ultimate Blog Challenge!


And on Wednesdays I also join these Godly Link-ups:

8 thoughts on “Back to Basics–Step 3 of 7 Steps To End An Affair

  1. I believe that I have tried everything I can think of, including somethings they may have driven him further away…

  2. Dont make the mistake I made and panic, call a bunch of her friends to ask for prayer and thus spill the whole basket of dirty laundry all at once. Though my intent was simply to get as many people to pray for us as possible, even now, it is a very sore spot with her and it angers her to think about it. I dont think she will ever truly forgive me for that mistake, but, by the grace of God, we are working on knitting our marriage back together.

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