My Vows

Do you remember the vows you took on your wedding day? Word for word? I remember mine. My Dear Hubby and I were not dewy-eyed youths when we got married, and we wrote vows to really express the covenant we were making.

I, Affaircare , in faith, honesty and love, take you, Dear Hubby , to be my wedded husband to share with you God’s plan for our lives together united in Christ.–In the first sentence, I wanted the part in there about sharing with my Dear Hubby God’s plan for our lives, because I wanted to express that we weren’t just here to live for our happiness individually or “our” happiness as a couple, but rather, we were put together specifically to perform a plan that God had for us. I was to do my wifely duties; he was to do his husbandly duties; and TOGETHER we were to do God’s plan for us…not our own! Furthermore, that sentence ends with “together united in Christ” because we are both believers–so not only do Dear Hubby and I unite to each other…but we also unite in Christ.

As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life and love.–This sentence is all about one thing: being married is not about “what’s in it for me?” but it’s all about “What am I going to voluntarily and willingly give TO YOU?” As a married person, my job and my focus are on studying my husband and learning how to be the best wife I am able to be. When you become focused only on yourself and your own happiness, rather than focusing on your spouse and on doing what pleases God–that’s when marriages can be torn apart!

It is my prayer and desire that you will find in me the helpmeet God designed especially for you, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord.–This part of my vows was my way of acknowledge the authority in my new marriage and the role I saw myself playing, namely that my husband would be the head, that I would willingly submit to him, and that I saw my role as being not just “his helper” but someone who would be fit to help him grow and assist him in his work.

Through the pressures of the present and the uncertainties of the future, I promise to be faithful to you—for better, for worse; in sickness and in health, in joys and in sorrows until in death do we part.–Boy, I bet when everyone says this part of their vows they THINK they mean it, but wow…life can really throw some zingers at you! For example, this part of the vows means: “I will not threaten to leave when your ex-spouse is a hassle and tries to interfere in our marriage.” It also means “When your ex stops paying child support and the kids are living at our house all the time, I will stay with you and work it out.” It also means “When we hit menopause and our sex drives change up, I won’t just leave because I’m not happy.” It also means “When you get a chronic, life-long illness I won’t just up and leave you when you are too ill to meet my needs.” It also means “When you lose your job and feel like the dirt on a worm’s shoe, I’ll be the one standing by you.” It also means “When you parents die and you close up to deal with it, I will patiently wait for you.” DO NOT take this part lightly, because it means that through every trial and tribulation of life, you promise to turn TOWARD your spouse.

Therefore I pledge you my life as an obedient, faithful and loving wife and pray I will fulfill God’s place in our home.–Yep you see it there–that scary “obey” word. To me, this sentence is once again stating what I see as the role in the marriage. It’s not my job to make sure the marriage steers in the right spiritual direction. That’s my Dear Hubby’s job. When I’m standing up there before God, He’s not going to put the responsibility of directing the family on me–He’s going to ask me “Did you respect your husband’s authority?” If I did, that would be fulfilling my place in our home.

“Whither thou goest I will go; whither thou lodgest I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people and they God, my God.” In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.–Ah the conclusion. I’ve always liked the story of Ruth. I love how she was originally from Moab–grew up outside the covenant and just happened to marry a guy who was an Israelite but who was disobeying God. So she learned about I AM from her husband and she “got it”… through God’s gift of faith, she understood! Then when her husband died, her mother-in-law says “Hey you’re young yet. You go to your own family and have a good life and I’m heading back to Israel” but what does Ruth say? She says THIS VERSE, because she knows that her duty is to help take care of her mother-in-law, and she knows that her mother-in-law’s God is The One God! She does the honorable thing, pleasing God, and as the rest of the story progresses, she ends up meeting Boaz, they get married and is the grandmother of King David and in the lineage of Christ. So yeah I love her. She was an “outsider” and God loved her and added her to His elect.

So there you have it! My vows:

I, Affaircare , in faith, honesty and love, take you, Dear Hubby , to be my wedded husband to share with you God’s plan for our lives together united in Christ. As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life and love. It is my prayer and desire that you will find in me the helpmeet God designed especially for you, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. Through the pressures of the present and the uncertainties of the future, I promise to be faithful to you—for better, for worse; in sickness and in health, in joys and in sorrows until in death do we part. Therefore I pledge you my life as an obedient, faithful and loving wife and pray I will fulfill God’s place in our home. “Whither thou goest I will go; whither thou lodgest I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people and they God, my God.” In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Do you remember your vows? If you do, post them in a comment and let’s talk about them.