Crucial Steps to Building Trust After an Affair

trust
1. NO contact with the Affair Partner. If you want to prove to your spouse that you are worthy of trust, then that means you need to discipline yourself to never, ever contact your affair partner EVER…not even hearing “how they’re doing.” Keep your focus on your spouse.

2. End Love Extinguishers. To build your spouse’s belief in your reliability, rather than focusing on what your spouse did…you agree to look at yourself and the ways that you contributed to the destruction of your marriage. Also you agree to do the work necessary to change yourself and stop doing the harmful actions.

3. Transparency. Increasing confidence in your honesty requires transparency which is being “see through”…you let your spouse see through to your real thoughts and feelings. In other words, you let them see the real you, warts and all, and stop trying to hide. You let them see what you do, who you’re with, where you are–and you tell them the truth rather than covering up “to keep them from being hurt.”

4. Mutual United Understanding. You can build belief in your trustworthiness by looking at each one of these three words and approaching your spouse with these attitudes. “Mutual” means that there are TWO of you in this relationship, not just you and not just your spouse; you need to RELATE. “United” means that the two of you are as one team–joined together for a common purpose. “Understanding” means both comprehending each other and sympathetic awareness of each others’ feelings.

5. Go to your spouse directly–spend time together. This is fairly obvious, actually. To rebuild belief in your credibility, you need to invest time with your spouse…do things together. If you do not have common interests or hobbies, start something new! But invest your time, energy and money building love with your spouse.

6. Re-start Love Kindlers. After an affair, one way to begin rebuilding trust with your spouse is to once again begin the “the little things” that show a person you love them. Love is an ACTION–not a feeling–so do act in a way that is loving and caring for your spouse.

7. Find one accountability mentor, make amends. The final step you can take to initiate hope and convince your spouse you are worthy of their trust is to pursue it…want it! Show your ability to deliver on your promises by finding someone who will hold you accountable. Admit what you did; name it for what it was; and where possible, repair the damage your choices have made.

If you want to know more, you can read and sign up for the Affaircare Newsletter!  For more in-depth information you can read our article: “Coming Out of an Affair” or read our series “How to Rebuild After an Affair

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Crucial Steps to Building Trust After an Affair

  1. I disagree on the love is an act not an feeling it’s acts of love that first entice a person to feel loved or love. I didn’t act like I loved my wife but she still felt she loved me regardless of my actions. I finally figured it out and started to act like I loved her and she didn’t feel like she loved me anymore I should of acted than she would still feel like she loved me I don’t know what my future holds but I’m not ready to let go and I’ll continue with the fight and maybe a slim chance in hell I won’t lose the reason why I’m alive I’ve tried all those things and I’m still hoping for a miracle

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s