Have you ever been speaking with your Disloyal Spouse while they are active in their affair and heard their mouth say something that just makes NO SENSE? Have you heard your Disloyal say something that left you feeling like: “Did you even HEAR what you just SAID?”
I call that Disloyal Dizzy Talk. It’s from all the spinning they do to justify their affair. In their head they want to proceed with the affair because it feels good. They get an affair ZING from all the positive brain chemicals. But in their head they also know that adultery is wrong! So they TWIST and TWIST reality to justify continuing, until they say things with about 1% truth in them and 99% DIZZINESS!
Now let me translate some examples of Disloyal Dizzy Talk for you. I will write what it REALLY means and what you can reply to the dizzy talk.
I can’t give up the OP even though s/he keeps me at arms length.
MEANS: Can’t=won’t, so this means “I want to behave immorally and I don’t really care who it hurts. I won’t stop even though I know it’s wrong.”
ANSWER: Oh you’re right! You are unwilling to live a moral life and that’s why I am protecting myself from you.
I still want the excitement of other person.
MEANS: “I’m so immature, I follow my hormones rather than honoring my commitment to my family like an adult.”
ANSWER: Oh you’re right, you are so blinded by the pleasure, who needs to think of the veneral diseases the exciting women may have? I choose to have a pure marriage bed.
Don’t pin your hopes on me.
MEANS: “I’m undependable, immature, and self-centered.”
ANSWER: Oh I have no hope for you.
I don’t want the same old stale relationship.
MEANS: “I want what I want and I want it NOW but I’m not willing to work for it at all.”
ANSWER: Oh you’re right, I would never accept that neglectful relationship we had in the past. Now I expect a mature partner who’s willing to keep his promise to keep working at it until death parted us.
I have too much baggage with you.
MEANS: “I’m not willing to forgive you or let go of the negative memories.”
ANSWER: Oh you’re right you do have too much baggage for me to accept you.
I don’t want to be committed to anyone at the moment.
MEANS: “I’m selfish.”
ANSWER: I can see that you’re only willing to consider yourself and can’t see the damage you’re doing.
I don’t want to be your one and only person.
MEANS: “I know this is wrong but I want to do it, so I want you to do it too so it’s legitimate.”
ANSWER: I can see that you don’t want to be a person who honors their commitments.
You are not my spouse anymore.
MEANS: “I’m looking for a way to make my cheating okay.”
ANSWER: (I can see going two ways with this one) #1–You’re right. Until you start treating me better I don’t choose to let you be my husband. #2–My promise to you was to keep working at it until death parted us and I’m not dead, so I’m your wife.
I can’t say if I’m definitely not coming home because I don’t know yet.
MEANS: “I want to have the freedom to be sexually immoral and have a safety net just in case.”
ANSWER: “You’re right you can’t say, and right now I’d say you are not invited to come home. I’m not sure yet.”
… be more encouraging to me because I might be interested in having a relationship – I don’t know.
MEANS: “I want to have my cake and eat it too.”
ANSWER: You’re right. YOU should be more encouraging to ME because I may be interesting trying to revive our relationship…I’m not sure.
Go to the dance with me and just have fun, they’re baby steps we can take together and might lead to doing more fun things.
MEANS: “Nobody else seems to want me right now so I’ll turn to you as a last resort.”
ANSWER: Are you ready to give up other person in your life? I’m not willing to be second best.
If we can have fun, you might be the one I want to be with.
MEANS: “I’m unwilling to do the right, honorable thing unless it’s FUN!”
ANSWER: You’re right, if you were fun you might be the one I wanted to be with.
You might be one of the other people I’m interested in.
MEANS: “I’ll string you along as long as possible.”
ANSWER: Look me up when you’re ready to give up having or looking for other people in your life and dedicate your affection and loyalty only to me
If you don’t want contact with me you will be burying any chance there is of a relationship.
MEANS: “I’ll threaten you with something I know scares you, if you won’t do things my way.”
ANSWER: You’re right. Your unwillingness to give up other women in your life buries any chance this marriage has.