Why Doesn’t My Loyal Spouse “Get Over It and Move On?”

Broken Plate

When a Disloyal Spouse ends the affair and decides to reconcile, they often can not understand why their Loyal Spouse keeps bringing it up, asking question, and not moving on.  Why not just “get over it” and let the marriage be the way it was?

This image helps explain why.  To the Disloyal Spouse, they knew what was going on the whole time; they saw the bigger picture.  But to the Loyal Spouse, the bigger picture was hidden from them (the Disloyal lied about who they were with, what they were doing, where they were, when they’d be at certain locations, etc.) — or the Loyal Spouse just didn’t want to admit the truth to them self and frankly denied what was obvious!  Either way this is NEW INFO to them.

The Disloyal Spouse did the damage.  They “threw the plate on the ground.”  The Loyal Spouse is the plate.  They are broken into a zillion pieces.  And even though they do want to hear the regret for breaking the plate (how sorry you are, how you’ll never do it again, that you regret what you did and what you said)–that IN NO WAY repairs the plate! The plate is still completely shattered!

Taking the time to glue the pieces back together is what repairs the plate, and even then it’s not “like it was.”  It may be weaker.  It may have scars. Maybe you can’t use the plate in the microwave because it’s not as tough as it used to be…  But yelling at the plate because it’s not gluing itself back together, or telling the plate it should just “move on” from being shattered, still in no way repairs the plate!

If you have questions, leave them in the comments and we’d be happy to explain more.

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One thought on “Why Doesn’t My Loyal Spouse “Get Over It and Move On?”

  1. After 8 years…three plus which he just walked out….we are still married but he is still living as if he’s single

    He couldn’t handle dealing with the wounds he inflicted….my pain and confusion was too painful for him….he needed to have HIS life the way he “always wanted it”

    I think marriage will mature those who remain caring what God offers and commands….my husband’s selfish life style which used all of us and many other women kept him an immature baby not used to dealing and enduring the way his sinful choices resulted in so many people having the lives they thought were the life they lived being totally destroyed

    Reality was NOT real…but only a managed environment shaped by his excellent ability to lie, cheat and steal from everyone who trusted him for over 30 years!

    People who have known him and our family that now know about his double life still find it difficult to believe this whole scenario

    Broken plate is a pretty good analogy for this kind of massive overachieving demonstration of this mans way of living his life while deceiving everyone he suppossedly “loved”

    Forgiveness but no trust as he has now set up even more protection against any transparency and refuses accountability

    Reading the Bible I see that a fearful end awaits unless he forsakes his sinful life and turns to follow after the instructions from Jesus Christ

    My husband demonstrates what Jesus said
    Those who don’t know Him…do not know what love is

    Lust is never satisfied and will kill anyone who chases after it

    In my husband’s words…..no woman is the “whole package”
    So sorry my children have thought highly of this man….my only husband….and I will not divorce him

    It’s a bit on trusting our own judgment to know how to identify a trustworthy person since their dad seemed above reproach

    Very sad legacy when all of life is coming to its end

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