Your spouse had an affair. You followed the steps to end the affair, and now you and your spouse have made the decision to try to save your marriage and recover. You listened to our series about Recovering After an Affair. But now you want to learn more about the tools you can use to help you reconcile (the final step).
Today we conclude our series all about the Reconciliation tools–how to use them, and why they are helpful–and we add this new BONUS tool! Although there is no guarantee your marriage will be saved, but these tools can help you build a new, more healthy marriage.
In today’s episode we talk about the sixth new tool–Cognitive Distortions.
As Christians, we know that our inner dialog is tainted by sin. Jeremiah says: “…The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?…” (Jeremiah 17:9) Dealing with our sin is the responsibility of all Christians. Our sin is a product of, the result of, and caused by our thinking: “…For out of the heart come evil thoughts–murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander…” (Matthew 15:19), and so on.
Cognitive Distortions is an elaboration on the different types of distorted inner dialogues that we discussed in REBT. This tool gives you 15 examples of distorted inner dialogue–specifically examples from infidelity–and then 8 ways you can fix your cognitive distortion.
We would point out that as Christians, changing that inner dialog so that it is in line with the Bible is part of growing as a Christian. And as a Christian, we have the Holy Spirit who helps us grow and change. In this instance, this tool can help us focus directly on where sin and error have been so influential.
We have added new BONUS Cognitive Distortion resources on our Affaircare Quizzes page!
NOTE TO SELF: This is a self-help tool – it is not meant for use on your spouse: you use it on yourself. This tool gives you a method to ease your aching heart, to calm yourself, and to give yourself the strength to handle the difficult road ahead of you. It gives you some clarity of mind with which you can then prepare and make better decisions. It can help you avoid those bad situations which arise from acting on impulse, or without considering further consequences.
[audio: https://s3.amazonaws.com/affaircare-podcast/2016/Reconciliation+Tools+BONUS+-Cognitive+Distortion.mp3].
Other podcasts in the Reconciliation Tools series:
- Reconciliation Tool #1: Myers-Briggs Personality Test
- Reconciliation Tool #2: Five Love Languages Quiz
- Reconciliation Tool #3: Love Extinguishers Quiz
- Reconciliation Tool #4: Love Kindlers Quiz
- Reconciliation Tool #5: REBT Part 1
- Reconciliation Tool #5: REBT Part 2
The Recovering After an Affair Series:
- Recovering After an Affair: Pre-Reconciliation
- Recovering After an Affair: Commitment
- Recovering After an Affair: Forgiveness
- Recovering After an Affair: Take Some Time
- Recovering After an Affair: Mutual United Understanding
- Recovering After an Affair: W-T-F-S
- Recovering After an Affair: Selfless, Selfish, and Self-aware Mode
- Recovering After an Affair: Recovery Tools
AFFAIRCARE 
he had the affair why would u find all those tools, let him work to get you back, like seriously i was tired just from seeing this
Jesus addressed this when He spoke to the pharisees (who also probably missed the sarcasm): “When Jesus heard it, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”” (Mark 2:17).
does he repent though? cause Jesus didn’t come for the hypocrites.
This was written above on the blog, the final paragraph just before the comment section – but it apparently needs to be repeated here:
It makes no difference if your wandering spouse repents or not, this podcast was designed to help anyone with their own personal recovery. It pay to be dilligent. If you find that your pride keeps you from personal growth, then that is the area where you need to focus.
you are very right, pride is something i need to discard if i want the real growth. thank you so much for your answer 🙂
Pride is so debilitating – we sabotage everything we want to accomplish. Tends to be something I personally combat all the time – I want things to GO MY WAY! (Pride seems to be the basis of sin anyway – we want to take God’s place in everything). In any event, we (affaircare) will pray for you today. God bless!
Thank you 🙂