Examples of Abuse

The following are some abuse examples suffered during a marriage by just one person. This list shows quite clearly how different forms of abuse are interrelated, one never occuring in isolation, but as a pattern of behavior with intent. If you take any one of these examples by itself, you could be misled into thinking it was just a misunderstanding, a foolish act, a bit of a juvenile or immature response to some perceived harm, but put all the incidents together, and it is a completely different story!

  • Spouse spent all of the family’s joint Christmas money.
  • Pulled all wires and boards out of the computer so that it couldn’t be used.
  • Smashed up all my discs with my old journals and photographs.
  • Deleted all my files from the computer.
  • Changed passwords on the computers and e-mail so that they could not be accessed without permission.
  • Put holes in bedroom walls, kitchen walls and broke spindles on banister.
  • Smashed up alarm clocks and lamps.
  • Pushed me out of bed so that I could not sleep.
  • Dictated where I could sleep and when, then kept me awake by playing loud music.
  • Continually called me names in front of the children and undermined my authority with them.
  • Argued with me in a loud volume in front of the children.
  • Pushed me around in front of the children.
  • Threatened to kill me.
  • Told me that I would never be free and that they would make it their sole life purpose to make my life hell.
  • Took me by the throat and threw me on the floor.
  • Would not allow me to use the phone.
  • Would not allow me to watch his TV.
  • Would only allow me to play their choice of music.
  • Criticized my housekeeping and parenting skills.
  • Denied me money.
  • Ignored family members when they came to visit.
  • Insisted that I be there to make dinner on my day off from work.
  • If I went out to visit anyone, I was not allowed to be long.
  • Left me to pay rent, gas, electricity, food, clothing, gifts, insurance etc. with the money I received for financial aid.
  • If I refused to have sex then I was subjected to verbal and physical abuse and had to put up with bad moods for days.
  • Would be ignored for up to a week at a time.
  • If I asked for money then I was shouted at and told what a failure I was.
  • Often had to borrow money from my family rather than ask my spouse for it.
  • Had to have supper ready and on the table by a certain time every day.
  • Had to put up with disruptive, loud music when I was trying to study.
  • Had to drop every thing and make coffee whenever they ordered me to.
  • Was allowed to see the savings but not allowed to spend it.
  • Had to constantly tidy up after them.
  • Was ordered to send the kids upstairs out of the way as the kids were annoying.
  • Had to attend all school and doctors appointments for the kids alone .
  • Was continually reminded that they provided everything and that I was lucky to have such a good provider.
  • Said they were far superior to me and should be treated as such.
  • Told me to do the gardening and then criticized it.
  • Was continually made to feel stupid.
  • My past relationships were thrown in my face.
  • If I refused to have sex then annoyed me until I gave in just to get it over with.
  • Took my mobile phone away from me.
  • Would switch the heating on after I had switched it off making me think I was going insane.
  • Was not allowed to go to bed until the cat came in.
  • If I was unwell I still had to carry on as normal, doing the housework, childcare and cooking.
  • Was only allowed one day off from cooking in 3 years.
  • Tried to strangle me but told me that it was my fault, that I deserved it, and that they would finish it one day.
  • Destroyed all of my possessions from my life before them.
  • Carved around me as I sat on the sofa with an electric knife.
  • Smashed up the TV with a hammer.
  • Threatened to smash my head in with a hammer and proceeded to bash holes in the wall around me.
  • Smashed plates of food off the wall because I did not cook what they wanted.
  • Drove me into the woods driving like a maniac and threatened to kill us both leaving the kids with no one.
  • Beat me up and bashed my head off the radiator whilst pregnant because I would not sleep at their command.
  • Smashed up a full fish tank because I wanted to finish making a pair of curtains before going to bed.
  • Told me that they had slept around numerous times during our relationship and that I had no choice but to accept it.
  • Smashed up the house and then made me clean up the mess.
  • Put a brick through my mother’s window because I “made them mad.”
  • Pushed me around and humiliated me in front of their friends then exposed my nakedness thinking it was funny.
  • Had cybersex online and told me that it was better than sleeping with me.
  • Would spend hours with opposite sex friends but restricted my choice of friends and the time I spent with them.
  • Cut up my clothes.
  • Broke jewelry that I received as gifts from friends.
  • Constantly told me that I was fat and ugly and that no other person would ever want me therefore I was lucky to have them as a spouse.
  • Would promise me treats such as clothes or a night off from cooking only to be told that I had done something wrong and did not deserve anything.
  • Would buy something new practically every week but I was not allowed anything because they were the provider not me.
  • If I wanted to go out to the shops, they’d refuse to look after the children and I had to find a babysitter.
  • I lived life constantly on the edge and would do anything to keep them happy.
  • For 4 years they would take twice weekly visits to visit their own family but I was never allowed to go to visit mine.
  • Was not allowed to lock the bathroom door when I had to go to the toilet or have a bath.
  • The only birthday present I ever received was grow bag for the garden so that I could get on with it.
  • Three times I had to go into hospital for operations but had to return the same day to make meals and look after the children because that was not “their job.”
  • Had to make my own way home from hospital because they were too tired to come and pick me up.
  • Was not allowed to let the children stay overnight with family members as they were my children and it was my job to look after them.
  • Told me that I was obviously a terrible person due to the fact that my first marriage had failed and that I deserved all that I got.
  • Whenever we split up they harassed and threatened me until I agreed to take them back.
  • Took great pleasure in telling me how they showered gifts on opposite sex friends that they had during our splits.
  • Smashed up mirrored wardrobes in a fit of rage causing me to slash my arm whilst trying to clean up.
  • Threatened to slash my throat with a knife.
  • Went crazy with a hammer smashing up our home.
  • Split open my nose by bashing my head into the kitchen wall units.
  • Cut my chin with a knife.
  • Pushed, shoved and beat me.
  • Locked me in a room with a pigeon because I had a fear of birds, then killed the bird with their bare hands and cooked it for the cat.
  • Would not allow me to visit the doctor when I felt I needed help.
  • Burned photos of the children.
  • Took money from my purse without telling me.
  • Searched my bag.
  • Refused to go to family weddings together.

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