Love Extinguishers Questionnaire

LOVE EXTINGUISHERS QUESTIONNAIRE

Copyright © 2010 by Cindy J. Taylor

Name____________________________________                              Date_____________________________________

Please circle the answer that fits your situation.

1. Emotional Neglect 

SCOREKEEPER–Does your spouse keep track of who “won” or who has done the chore more times?  Does your marriage feel like a competition?

* How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely!     Rarely     Neutral      Often     EVERY DAY!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all     Very little     Neutral     Some     VERY MUCH!!

FAULT FINDER

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely!     Rarely     Neutral      Often     EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all     Very little     Neutral     Some     VERY MUCH!!

YOUR WAY OR THE HIGHWAY (CONTROLLING)

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely!     Rarely     Neutral      Often     EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all     Very little     Neutral     Some     VERY MUCH!!

BOTTOMLESS PIT (ENOUGH IS NEVER ENOUGH)

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely!     Rarely     Neutral      Often     EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all     Very little     Neutral     Some     VERY MUCH!!


2. Spiritual Neglect

WILL NOT FORGIVE

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely!     Rarely     Neutral      Often     EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all     Very little     Neutral     Some     VERY MUCH!!

LACK OF PERSONAL TRANSPARENCY

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely!     Rarely     Neutral      Often     EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all     Very little     Neutral     Some     VERY MUCH!!

SMOKE AND MIRRORS

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely!     Rarely     Neutral      Often     EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all     Very little     Neutral     Some     VERY MUCH!!

DISRESPECTFUL JUDGEMENTS

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely!     Rarely     Neutral      Often     EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all     Very little     Neutral     Some     VERY MUCH!!


3. Physical Neglect

NO TENDER TOUCH (HUGS, KISSES, TOUCHES)

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely!     Rarely     Neutral      Often     EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all     Very little     Neutral     Some     VERY MUCH!!

~Touched–Are you touched in a way that you like?

*How much do you need this commitment?

VERY Much!     Yes I need this     Neutral      Don’t need this     Not at ALL!

*How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!     Very good job     Neutral     Not that well     Not even CLOSE!

WITHHOLDING SEXUAL FULFILLMENT

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY well!     Very good job     Neutral     Not that well     Not even CLOSE!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

~Sexual fulfillment–Is the sexual activity in a way that you like?

*How much do you need this commitment?

VERY Much!     Yes I need this     Neutral      Don’t need this     Not at ALL!

*How well does your spouse fill this need?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

ABANDONING PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS–Are you physically attracted to your spouse (their hair, their body, their grooming and their clothing)?

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!


4. Financial Neglect

ONGOING UNEMPLOYMENT (THAT IS NOT PART OF A MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING)–

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

UNWILLING/UNABLE TO LIVE BY A BUDGET

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

HIDDEN DEBT

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

HIDDEN SPENDING OR OVERSPENDING

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

I.R.S. OR LEGAL FINANCIAL TROUBLE (JUDGEMENTS, LIENS, ETC.)–

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

5. Family Neglect

REFUSING TO LEAVE AND CLEAVE

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

NOT MAKING TIME FOR PERSONAL ADULT TIME (INCLUDING RECREATION)

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

NOT MAKING TIME FOR EACH CHILD INDIVIDUALLY (CHILD REARING)

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

INEQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION OF HOUSEHOLD CHORES

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

GETTING TO COMFORTABLE–GIVING UP

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!


6. Social Neglect

IRRITATING HABITS (DISCOURTEOUS)–

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

INDEPENDENT BEHAVIOR

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

NOT SHARING ACTIVITIES OR FREE TIME TOGETHER (NO RECREATION) —

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

THE SILENT TREATMENT OR NOT LISTENING ACTIVELY

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

7. Security Neglect

ANGRY EXPLOSIONS

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

ATTACK DOG (VERBAL/EMOTIONAL ABUSE)–

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

PASSIVE WARMONGER (PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE)–

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

PHYSICAL ABUSE

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

NOT BEING A SAFE HAVEN

*How often does your spouse do this extinguisher?

EXTREMELY rarely! Rarely Neutral Often EVERY DAY!!

*How much does this extinguish your love for your spouse?

NONE at all Very little Neutral Some VERY MUCH!!

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