Father | AFFAIRCARE

I’m reposting a blog I wrote for Father’s Day way back in June 2010!

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY

God has a lot to say about the fathers in our lives. Before I go any further, let me share a few verses about fathers and children:

“For the LORD detests a perverse man but takes the upright into his confidence.” (Proverbs 3:32)
“Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.” (Proverbs 23:22)
“Honesty lives confident and carefree, but Shifty is sure to be exposed.” (Proverbs 10:9 MSG)
“A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fool’s eyes wander to the ends of the earth.” (Proverbs 17:24)
“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21)
“As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him.” (Psalm 103:13)
“Don’t fail to correct your children. You won’t kill them by being firm, and it may even save their lives.”(Proverbs 23:13-14 CEV)
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 ESV)
“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” (Proverbs 17:27)
“My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” (Proverbs 3:11-12)

This day and age, the role of men in families is being undermined. With access to fairly easy divorce, for no declared reason other than “we aren’t happy” children today often have men that come and go in their lives. Men often think they don’t have just as much right to custody of their own children. But children very much NEED fathers in their lives!

A father may be the male person whose DNA you carry–your biological progenitor. A father may be a man who stepped up and raised you when your real father left your mom. A father may be a pastor or clergyman who ministered in your life. A father may be the guy who hung out with you and taught you what being a man REALLY was. Fathers can be anyone from the humble bread-truck driver to a busy executive CEO–but they are the guy who guides you, teaches you, never gives up on you, and shows compassion while spending time. Today we honor our FATHERS. So thank the man in your life who was your mentor, adviser and model. Let him know that he meant something to you.

Happy Father’s Day!

It’s Father’s Day so naturally I’m thinking about children today–after all we have seven! And while we sipped our morning coffee today, I read a blog by Doug Fields, entitled: “10 actions that kids learn from their parent’s marriage” and it got me thinking. Our children are always watching us, but children today do not have role models for happy, loving marriages that last a lifetime–so what they’re watching are marriages that are unfaithful, self-centered and eventually…fatherless.

So here are 10 things that children can learn from their father about infidelity, using Doug Field’s list as a guide:

1. Affection. Our children can see affection being used as a weapon, withheld as punishment, or exerted to manipulate a spouse into doing what you want. If their father does not find it easy to display affection, they can learn that if something is hard they should avoid it.

OR… They can see affection offered as a source of encouragement, security and joy from one committed person to another…at no cost, freely given. If their father doesn’t find it easy to display affection but he tries anyway, they can learn that even if something is hard, they can do it and keep trying.

2. Saying “I’m sorry.” Our children can see their father being blatantly and obviously wrong, inaccurate and incorrect and yet refusing to admit the error, thereby learn blameshifting and deflection and projection.

OR… They can see their father being blatantly and obviously wrong, inaccurate and incorrect and then admit what he did wrong and do an exact about-face, thereby learning that we all make mistakes but a wise man learns from his mistakes and a courageous man corrects himself.

3. Affirmation. Our children can hear their father swearing and using negative, derogatory, belittling, criticism coming out of their father’s mouth (about their mother or them) and learn that no one is ever good enough.

OR… They can hear their father using positive, encouraging, appreciative, praise coming out of their father’s mouth (about their mother or them) and learn that every one is valuable and worthy of being treated with respect.

4. Attraction. Our children can see a worldly representation of putting lust and their own “sexual needs” ahead of anything else, with an idea of beauty that only has to do with youth and physical perfection.

OR… They can see a godly representation of putting commitment ahead of lust and your spouse’s sexual desires ahead of your own, pleasing them and seeing both their physical beauty at every age…and their inner beauty of spirit. Then they will understand what their dad means when he says “Your mom is a beautiful woman.”

5. Time. Oh I love this one! Our children can see their father invest his time, energy and interest in his work, his hobbies, his friends, and some lady AT work…making the marriage falter and their family fall apart.

OR… They can see their father invest his time, energy and interest in their mother, them, their home and their family…making the marriage stronger and their family more secure.

6. Laughter. Our children can watch the attitude of their father and see him ridicule and mock their mother, all the while saying “It was a joke! You have no sense of humor” (thereby learning that one way to feel better about themselves is to belittle others).

OR… They can watch the attitude of their father and see a man find so much joy, happiness, pleasure and amusement with one woman–their mother–that he laughs and frolicks with her and with them!!

7. Respect. Our children can observe their father treating their mother with contempt, rudeness, and dishonor–neglecting her emotionally, mentally and spiritually–thereby learning to treat the people in their life with discourtesy and disrespect.

OR… They can observe a father who treats their mother with esteem, regard and honor–taking care of her emotionally, mentally and spiritually–thereby learning to treat the people in their life with courtesy and dignity.

8. Faith conversations. Our children can study a father who discounts faith, loses his moral values, and says things like “lying is wrong” but then turns around and lies about where he was or who he was with (thereby teaching the children that once you become an adult you don’t have to obey God).

OR… They can study a father who realizes that faith is the foundation life is built upon, and study a man who guards his moral values and when he says “lying is wrong” he even applies it to himself (thereby learning that we always have to obey, and what is wrong is wrong)!

9. The value of friends. Our children can follow a father who will “hang out with” any kind of person, in any kind of place, and listen to the bad advice of people with low morals.

OR… They can follow a father who will not associate with people at the bar and who encourage unfaithfulness, a father who selects his friends carefully and then lavishes respect, love and joy on them.

10. Servanthood. Our children can learn from a father who lords-it-over their mom, pounds the bible verse that she has to submit to him, and treat her like she is supposed to SERVE him.

OR… They can learn from a father that true love means that we put the needs of our spouse ahead of our own, serve them, do what is best for them, and follow in the footsteps of Jesus.