Tag Archives: Finance

Love Kindler #4 Financial Commitment [Podcast]

Do you contribute to the income in your family? Can you discipline yourself to live within a budget.

Our new program, “90 Days to Save Your Marriage and Save You” will teach you and how your spouse how to recover after infidelity. To introduce our new program, I’m reviewing our Basic Concepts all month!

This week we are talking about the Love Kindlers, and this video is all about Love Kindler #4 Financial Commitment, meeting your spouse’s financial needs. Reach an agreement with your spouse about how the two of you want to live; how you want to support your family; and how you’d like to plan for your financial future.




[audio: https://s3.amazonaws.com/affaircare-podcast/Financial-Committment.mp4]

Back to Basics–Love Kindlers #4 Financial Commitment

We are continuing our month-long “Back to School–Back to Basics” series and this week we’ll be going over the seven Love Kindlers.  To understand what a Love Kindler is, you could read the Basic Concepts article to get a more indepth explanation.  Briefly, to help you envision the idea, think of your marriage like a campfire. There are actions that can quench the fire of love, and those actions are Love Extinguishers.  BUT there are also actions that stoke the fire of love and make it hotter–those are Love Kindlers.  When you make the decision to love, you choose to act in a way that is likely to kindle feelings of interest and passion; so you decide to act in a Love Kindling way.

Today the third Love Kindler to stoke the blaze of passion and love in your marriage today  is:  Financial Commitment!  Financial Commitment is meeting your spouse’s monetary needs:

  • Providing financially for the family and children
  • Able to pay monthly bills
  • Living a lifestyle that’s mutually acceptable to both of you
  • Contributing to family income
  • Contributing to paying off family debt
  • Able to plan for future financial stability
  • Living by a budget

It’s a perpetual debate really: women say that “men only want me for my looks (or my body)” and men say that “women only want me for my wallet.”  The funny thing is…both sides are correct, and neither side is shallow because of it.  People do “fall-in-love,” and the blaze of love keeps burning brightly, when the things that kindled the love in the first place are ongoing.  So for example, when he was young and looking for a girl, chances are good he was looking for someone whom he thought was attractive: with pretty hair, nice eyes, a warm smile, make up that made her look even more pretty, a clean body with a good smell, and clothing that fit well and complimented her figure!  But likewise, when she was young and pretty and looking for a nice young man, part of what attracted her to a certain fella was the fact that he was able to “pay for the date” or get her gifts.  She may have considered whether he was training in a profession that would likely provide some security for her and whatever family they might choose to have as a couple.  The idea that she and her children would likely be secure was PART of what made her “fall in love” with that very young, nerdy guy!

In the same way that it’s not shallow for a husband to want his wife to stay attractive, dress well, keep herself clean and physically fit…it is not shallow for a wife to want her husband to keep their family FINANCIALLY fit, living a lifestyle to which they agree, not put them into debt and financial ruin.  And it is just as reasonable for a husband to want his wife to contribute financially, either by working herself OR by living within a budget, not overspending, not living beyond their means, and managing the household in a way that is appropriate to their financial reality!

The classic financial collision occurs when the wife is complaining about needing more money and overspending–that is to say, she is living beyond their means and demanding more, More, MORE—but then also complaining that he is always at work and never spends any time with her.  Ladies, here it is in a nutshell: if you want him to spend more time with you that is absolutely reasonable, but … that means he will be working LESS, and you are going to have to discipline yourself to live WITHIN THE BUDGET!  You’ll have to do “without” the dinners out and the trips/vacations…but the payoff is that he will be there with you paying attention and enjoying your company.  So which is worth more to you?  Pick ONE and then be content with the consequence of your choice.

Likewise, if your wife met and fell in love with you because you were a decent, middle-management, white-collar kind of guy…then don’t be surprised when her love dies QUICKLY when you are unemployed and for three years don’t even look for a job and don’t contribute to the household!  The economy is rough these days, and not everyone who loses a job finds one right away, even if they look every day and look hard!  But if you sit around in your sweats and play Xbox all day, don’t care for the children, and let the household chores go ignored while she has to “do it all”–you are setting your marriage up for destruction, and it’s because of a lack of Financial Commitment.

Over this month, we will be going “Back to School” by going over all our Basic Concepts.   This week we will examine the Love Kindlers–next week the Love Extinguishers.  During the third week of September we’ll look at the Seven Steps to End an Affair, and for the last week of the month, we’ll review the Seven Steps to Rebuilding After an Affair.  We hope you’ll join us on this journey to get “Back to the Basics”!!

Banknote, bankroll, bills, bread, bucks, coin, dough–in other words: Money!

It’s Day Seven of our Husband Encouragement Challenge, and today’s challenge is all about money!

Day Seven:

“Do not overwork to be rich; because of your own understanding, cease!…for riches certainly make themselves wings…” Prov. 23:4-5 

“That I may cause those who love me to inherit wealth, that I may fill their treasuries.”Proverbs 8:21

Money is the root of much marital discord. Ask yourself, “Am I being negative toward my husband in the area of finances?” Determine not to speak evil of your husband in this area. Discover ways to encourage and help him instead.

Does your husband handle finances wisely? Does he make good financial investments, based on biblical principles? Does he have a budget? Does he make wise decisions about purchases -checking many sources before he buys? Is he a good steward of his money before the Lord? Let him know how much you appreciate his strengths in financial matters.

If he is weak in this area, encourage any good decisions that he does make. Perhaps you can help him, if he’s open to the idea, by organizing financial files or providing other practical assistance. Or, if he wants you to handle the finances, ask for his input before you make decisions that will affect him.

By Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Published by Revive Our Hearts, © 2005. Permission granted to photocopy in the exact form, including copyright. All other uses require written permission.

Revive Our Hearts * P.O. Box 2000, Niles, MI 49120 * www.ReviveOurHearts.com 

All too often in marriages, the finances cause a host of problems and friction between a husband and a wife.  Maybe one is a generous spender and one is frugal.  Maybe one has a PERFECT credit rating and one has past credit problems they are trying to keep secret.  Maybe one likes to wear designer clothing and the other shops at Goodwill.  Maybe one believes in living on a cash basis and one wants to live by credit and borrowing.

To me it’s really hard to write about money because it seems so obvious and clear!  If you earn $3000 a month (either with one working or both) that means you have that amount available to you to pay for your home, your utilities, your food and anything else the family may need such as clothing or supplies.  I know some people take a financial view they consider more “advanced” and borrow and then have their minimum payments add up to $3000 a month…but I believe if you can’t pay cash, you can’t afford it yet so save up!  That way, once you own something it is yours and is an asset and not a debt.

Nevertheless the Bible has plenty to say about money, finances and the economy, and this challenge today is not so much about “which financial approach is correct” as it is about challenging us to look at our husbands in a new light.  Some men work very, VERY hard for what they can provide for their family and then are godly stewards of the wealth God has given to them, using finances to not only provide for his own family but to also graciously give to those in need.  If you look at your husband with fresh eyes and realize you have THIS kind of husband–thank God that He has given you this blessing and thank your husband…lavishly!!

If your husband works very hard to contribute and is wise with every penny but doesn’t earn a lot and money is a little tight–thank God that He has provided for you and thank your husband for all his effort.  Learn to be grateful for the things you do have and be content.  After all God has given to you what He has determined is best for you.   Also just a note to the wives here in the USA: we are so used to “being rich” here that we tend to think that “luxuries” are “necessities.”  For example, did you know that you can live perfectly well without cable TV, or Nordstrom jeans, or a brand new Wii?  Yep, learn to do without, save, and take care of whatever God brings into life!

On the other hand, if your husband tends to over-spend, can not stick to a budget, or just will not work to earn–thank God for the chance He has given you to minister to your husband and help him grow and become a better man.  Remember two things though: 1) it is not our job to “teach” our husband or “make” him do things–however God can use our strengths to support his weaknesses and 2) even if we do show him some tips and tricks and help, we are told in Eph. 5:33 ” “… let the wife see that she respects her husband” and that is not a suggestion!  We are commanded to RESPECT our husband.  So change your own attitude about him, and when it comes to the family finances, be on his side–not his challenger!