Tag Archives: Laughter

10 Things Children Can Learn From Their Father about Infidelity

It’s Father’s Day so naturally I’m thinking about children today–after all we have seven!  And while we sipped our morning coffee today, I read a blog by Doug Fields, entitled: “10 actions that kids learn from their parent’s marriage” and it got me  thinking.  Our children are always watching us, but children today do not have role models for happy, loving marriages that last a lifetime–so what they’re watching are marriages that are unfaithful, self-centered and eventually…fatherless.

So here are 10 things that children can learn from their father about infidelity, using Doug Field’s list as a guide:

1.  Affection.  Our children can see affection being used as a weapon, withheld as punishment, or exerted to manipulate a spouse into doing what you want.  If their father does not find it easy to display affection, they can learn that if something is hard they should avoid it.

OR…  They can see affection offered as a source of encouragement, security and joy from one committed person to another…at no cost, freely given.  If their father doesn’t find it easy to display affection but he tries anyway, they can learn that even if something is hard, they can do it and keep trying.

2.  Saying “I’m sorry.”  Our children can see their father being blatantly and obviously wrong, inaccurate and incorrect and yet refusing to admit the error, thereby learn blameshifting and deflection and projection.

OR… They can see their father being blatantly and obviously wrong, inaccurate and incorrect and then admit what he did wrong and do an exact about-face, thereby learning that we all make mistakes but a wise man learns from his mistakes and a courageous man corrects himself.

3.  Affirmation.  Our children can hear their father swearing and using negative, derogatory, belittling, criticism coming out of their father’s mouth (about their mother or them) and learn that no one is ever good enough.

OR…  They can hear their father using positive, encouraging, appreciative, praise coming out of their father’s mouth (about their mother or them) and learn that every one is valuable and worthy of being treated with respect.

4.  Attraction.  Our children can see a worldly representation of putting lust and their own “sexual needs” ahead of anything else, with an idea of beauty that only has to do with youth and physical perfection.

OR… They can see a godly representation of putting commitment ahead of lust and your spouse’s sexual desires ahead of your own, pleasing them and seeing both their physical beauty at every age…and their inner beauty of spirit.  Then they will understand what their dad means when he says “Your mom is a beautiful woman.”

5.  Time.  Oh I love this one!  Our children can see their father invest his time, energy and interest in his work, his hobbies, his friends, and some lady AT work…making the marriage falter and their family fall apart.

OR… They can see their father invest his time, energy and interest in their mother, them, their home and their family…making the marriage stronger and their family more secure.

6.  Laughter.  Our children can watch the attitude of their father and see him ridicule and mock their mother, all the while saying “It was a joke! You have no sense of humor” (thereby learning that one way to feel better about themselves is to belittle others).

OR…  They can watch the attitude of their father and see a man find so much joy, happiness, pleasure and amusement with one woman–their mother–that he laughs and frolicks with her and with them!!

7.  Respect.  Our children can observe their father treating their mother with contempt, rudeness, and dishonor–neglecting her emotionally, mentally and spiritually–thereby learning to treat the people in their life with discourtesy and disrespect.

OR… They can observe a father who treats their mother with esteem, regard and honor–taking care of her emotionally, mentally and spiritually–thereby learning to treat the people in their life with courtesy and dignity.

8.  Faith conversations.  Our children can study a father who discounts faith, loses his moral values, and says things like “lying is wrong” but then turns around and lies about where he was or who he was with (thereby teaching the children that once you become an adult you don’t have to obey God).

OR… They can study a father who realizes that faith is the foundation life is built upon, and study a man who guards his moral values and when he says “lying is wrong” he even applies it to himself (thereby learning that we always have to obey, and what is wrong is wrong)!

9.  The value of friends.  Our children can follow a father who will “hang out with” any kind of person, in any kind of place, and listen to the bad advice of people with low morals.

OR… They can follow a father who will not associate with people at the bar and who encourage unfaithfulness, a father who selects his friends carefully and then lavishes respect, love and joy on them.

10.  Servanthood.  Our children can learn from a father who lords-it-over their mom, pounds the bible verse that she has to submit to him, and treat her like she is supposed to SERVE him.

OR… They can learn from a father that true love means that we put the needs of our spouse ahead of our own, serve them, do what is best for them, and follow in the footsteps of Jesus.

The Alabaster Jar

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

Day Eighteen:

“You will show me the path of life. In your presence is fullness of joy…Happy are the people whose God is the LORD!” Ps. 16:11a; 144:15b
“A merry heart does good like medicine…” Prov. 17:22a

It’s hard to criticize others when we are enjoying their company. Instead of speaking negatively to your husband today, enjoy him! Encourage him! As you experience fullness of joy with God, share some of that joy with your husband.

Does your husband have a playful side? A great sense of humor? Is there a “little boy” that wants to escape from time to time, reflecting the joy in his heart?

This is a wonderful part of who he is, and a great strength. Let him know that you
appreciate his joyfulness and his playful spirit. Find opportunities to join him in positive play times.

If your husband can sometimes be overly serious, coax him out occasionally for some play times. It will help him relieve stress and relax.

By Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Published by Revive Our Hearts, © 2005. Permission granted to photocopy in the exact form, including copyright. All other uses require written permission.
Revive Our Hearts * P.O. Box 2000, Niles, MI 49120 * www.ReviveOurHearts.com 

Having a sense of humor is so important in a long-term relationship, and considering that marriage is for the rest of your life–it’s time to let our hair down and laugh!  No I’m not joking!  How often do we take life’s moments–that are wonderful, precious and FUNNY–and turn them into “serious issues”?  How often has your husband wanted to play–be silly–joke around–have fun and you’ve been the downer responsible one and made him talk about bills.  BLECH!

If you have a husband who works hard and provides for the family, but has a silly sense of humor, the next time he tickles or plays or tells one of those GROOOOANER jokes of his, don’t roll your eyes.  Laugh!  Let your hair down, kick up your heels a little, and play back with him.  Tickle him.  Giggle.  Play wrestle until you collapse into each others’ arms laughing and then kiss!  Or better yet, when the kids say something adorable (but mildly embarrassing) right in front of the pastor or gramma–LAUGH!  They are so cute at that age and it is a gift to TREASURE!

If you find that you (or your husband) are just a little too “on the serious side” I suggest that you purposely plan a weekend alone–just the two of you–and go do something fun.  Making love all weekend *can* be fun but that’s not what I mean.  You know how you always drive by that amusement park and say “Wow I would love to go there but with the kids and appointments blah blah blah?”  Yeah–go do THAT.  GO to the muscle car show, horse pull, sci-fi convention or weekend doing nothing by the beach that you have always wanted to do!  Remind yourselves how fun it is to just hang out and be together…how much you really LIKE each other.  Then work on keeping your sense of humor alive when you get back home!

1.  Tell jokes about your own self!  You are super funny (and looks aren’t everything).

2.  Make up a silly habit to break up crabby moods…like breaking into Monty Python‘s silly walk.

3. Exaggerate problems.  I mean turn them into universal chaos and the end of mankind if that song isn’t turned down RIGHT AWAY!

4. Ask people about one funny thing that happened today.  Amazingly this will get you thinking about something funny that happened during your day and you’ll be aware of little funny things.

5. Laugh.  Every day.  Right now.  Come one–a real one.  Not a slight giggle.  If you can’t belly laugh, put on “Naked Gun” or “Airplane” right now!

6. Finally just acknowledge that “Some mornings it just isn’t worth it to gnaw through the leather straps. ”  (Thanks Emo for the encouragement!)